


Windy City

by Rodham



Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-03 09:17:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10964259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodham/pseuds/Rodham
Summary: “I used to joke with Hillary that if my father hadn’t lost his life on that rainy Missouri highway, I would have grown up a few miles from her and we probably never would have met.” WJC - My Life





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... So I teased a little a few months ago that I've been working on a multi-chapter. This is that story. I've finished almost the whole thing so you will get regular updates. Most likely once a week. I hope that you like this little AU I've come up with. Please let me know your thoughts. I love seeing all the hits but I would love to read your comments as well. Enjoy!
> 
> Also this is fiction, written for my own pleasure and hopefully entertainment for others.

1952

 

The children were all running around in the yard trying to release some of the energy that they knew they had to tamper down for the next hour during Sunday School. Dorothy kept an eye on a few of the smaller children as their mothers chatted and caught up on all the latest gossip. That wasn’t really her thing so she kept to minding the children. She liked to occupy her mind with real things like current events not current gossip.

She looked over to the women when she heard a loud laugh followed by louder words in a strong southern drawl. The woman had dark hair with a stripe of silver that ran down the middle and wore far too much make-up for church. She had never seen this woman before and was curious to see what she was doing there.

She didn’t have to wait long when she pointed over to a boy who looked older but Dorothy could tell by his boyish face that he was just large for his age. The boy also happened to be standing next to a very small girl, even for her age, making him look that much bigger. She was Dorothy’s own daughter Hillary and she could tell that her daughter was taken by what the boy was saying.

“Billy! Billy, come here!” the woman yelled to the boy. Dorothy saw his head whip up and he turned to Hillary to give her a sad smile then took off in the direction of his mother. When he finally reached her, she pointed him in the direction of a group of girls. “Go play with those pretty little girls over there.”

Dorothy was shocked by what she had heard and knew that if the woman was loud enough for her to hear that her daughter had also heard her. She looked over to her little girl and noticed that she had her head hung and was running her hands along her dress as if to flatten out the non-existent creases. Her golden pigtails fell with her downturned face obstructing it from view.

“Hey sweetheart,” she called to her daughter as she walked over to her. When Hillary didn’t answer her she knelt down in front of her to look her in the eye. “What’s wrong, honey?” Her heart broke when a little face looked up at her with just one tear that had fallen down her puffy cheek.

“Am I not pretty?” asked a voice that only a child this sweet could manage.

“Oh sweetie, of course you are,” Dorothy said as she took her little girl into her arms. She held her tiny body for a moment then pulled back to look at her. With a little coaxing and a hand on the chin, she was able to look her daughter in her bright blue eyes. “What have we said about beauty?”

“That beauty comes from the inside of you and not the outside,” Hillary answered in a voice that sounded far from believable.

“Right! And you, my love, are one of the most beautiful people I know because you're such a good person on the inside. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside.”

Dorothy took a moment to just look at her daughter. She wasn't one to think that Hillary was the most beautiful girl just because she was her daughter but because she was by all standards a very beautiful child. She hated to admit, and wouldn't to anyone that asked, that she was a little upset the more Hillary grew, the less she looked like her. She was beginning to resemble her own mother and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. Her mother that abandoned her and then invited her back into her life as nothing more than a housemaid. Her mother who barely knew the grandchild who looked just like her. That grandchild that Dorothy herself would lay down her life to protect, something her mother couldn't fathom.

Bringing herself back to the moment, she dried her daughter's tears with her thumbs, kissed her on the cheek and grabbed her hand before heading towards the rectory. She called out to all the children to come inside and watched as they all scurried her way. The group of women waved to their children and dispersed. The women with the silver in her hair called her son over and whispered something to him that made him look very guilty. He went to walk away when she grabbed his arm in what looked like a warning. He weakly nodded and ran into the building.

Dorothy made her way to the front of the room when she noticed the boy standing awkwardly in the back. He looked like he wasn't really sure what to do or where to sit. She looked over to Hillary who also noticed the boy in the back of the room. Without instruction, she stood and walked over to him.

“Do you want to sit next to me?” she asked. He nodded his head and Hillary grabbed his hand to lead him to the front of the room where she had been sitting. They sat down side by side and Hillary opened her book, laying one side on her leg and the other on the boy’s leg.

Seeing that they were settled, Dorothy began her lesson. Throughout the hour she would look over at the pair. Every once in awhile she noticed the boy trying to get Hillary to talk and her little girl making him pay attention instead. It made her proud that her daughter had such focus and determination at such a young age. She knew she was meant for great things.

At the end of the lesson all the children jumped up and rushed for the door in a whirlwind of feet stomping, arms flying and shouting voices. Dorothy looked for her daughter and found that she was still seated with the boy next to her. They seemed deep in conversation, or as deep a conversation as two small children could have. So she went around collecting all the children’s books and stacking them on the cart by the front of the room. When she was finished she noticed the children coming towards her.

“Mommy, this is Billy,” Hillary said, pointing at her new friend. “He lives in Forest Park. That’s not too far from here, right?”

“Not too far at all. It’s nice to meet you, Billy,” Dorothy replied and was pleasantly surprised when the boy stuck his hand out the shake hers.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Rodham,” Billy said with just a touch of a southern drawl. He had quite a solid grip for a young boy and it made her smile. Billy shoved his hands deep into his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet wondering what else he should be doing.

“Why don’t you two go play outside for a little bit?” she suggested. Both faces broke out in smiles and they ran to the door.

Dorothy finished picking up after the kids and made her way out into the sunlight. She looked to the small playground and found Billy pushing Hillary on the swing. Her little dress was tucked tightly under her legs and was so far still clean but Dorothy knew her daughter and knew that it was only a matter of time before her tights had runs in them. As if on cue, the little girl jumped off the swing with a rough landing going down on knees before bracing herself with her hands. Billy ran around the swing to help her up and Dorothy couldn’t stop the smile that came to her face.

“Billy! Come over here!” a loud voice called from across the yard. It was his mother making her way towards them and Dorothy was not looking forward to this meeting. And judging by the look on Billy’s face, he didn’t want it to happen either.

“Mother, this is…” Billy started to introduce but his mother cut him off.

“Yes, yes. Nice to meet you. Billy, let’s go! Daddy is waiting on us!” she said and pulled the boy by the hand towards her car. Billy looked back at Hillary and gave her a small wave. She returned the wave and moved closer to her mother’s side, pressing up against her leg like she used to do when she was even smaller. Dorothy noticed that her daughter was sad to see her new friend go so she thought of something she knew always made Hillary happy.

“What do you say to a girl’s day?” Dorothy suggested once she knelt down to her daughter’s height. “We can go shopping and go out to lunch,” she started listing but wasn’t getting a very happy response. “How about some ice cream?” Finally there was a little bit of a smile.

“Before lunch?” Hillary asked. When her mother nodded, the smile only grew bigger. “Okay!”

When they returned home it was almost time for dinner so Dorothy sent Hillary upstairs to change from her church clothes and wash up before dinner. Moments later the little girl came bouncing back down the stairs and pulled a chair up beside her mother to stand on and help with dinner. While Dorothy made her sauce for the spaghetti, she handed her little one a butter knife and a large loaf of bread sliced in half. Hillary went about buttering every last inch of the bread and smiled triumphantly when finished.

When Hillary's father walked in the door a while later with two year old Hughie, dinner was ready to be put on the table. Dorothy took the boy and settled him in his highchair. The adults made small talk of what they had done that day and plans for the week when Hugh asked Hillary about her day.

“I made a new friend today!” she said happily.

“A new friend?” he asked and watched the little girl nod her head. “What's her name?”

“He's a boy, daddy!” Hillary laughed. Dorothy was proud that unknowingly her daughter was ahead of her time. She didn't find it odd to be close friends with a boy and she could see her husband was skeptical. “His name is Billy and he lives in Forest Park and his mommy is a nurse. And his daddy is a salesman. Like you used to be!”

“What's Billy’s last name?” Hugh asked. Dorothy was about to interject and say that he didn't need to know when Hillary answered the question.

“Blythe. He was born here but spent the last few years in Arkansas with his grandparents. His mommy went back to school and he went to stay there until she finished. He talks a little funny but he says that’s how people talk there.”

“You sure know a lot about your new friend.”

Hillary couldn't stop talking about Billy. He was going to be attending the same school as her but one grade ahead of her because he was a year older. When she started telling them stories about some of the crazy town people who went into Billy’s grandfather's store, Hugh finally said that it was time to clean up and get ready for bed. He took the little boy up the stairs while Hillary helped her mother clean the kitchen from dinner.

Dorothy was so happy that her little girl had made a new friend but she could tell her husband wasn't. After giving Hillary a bath, getting her into her pajamas and reading a bedtime story, she kissed her head and said goodnight. She found Hugh with a tumbler of scotch leaned back in his recliner in the living room.

“What's wrong? Why did you keep cutting her off when she was talking?” Dorothy asked. “She's excited about her new friend.”

“I don't want her around that Blythe boy,” Hugh said coldly.

“What are you talking about?” she asked as she threw a hand on her hip.

“I don't want her around him. His father is a lowlife. I don't want her around people like that,” came a response with a tone that left little up for discussion.

“How do you know his father?”

“I don't. I've never met the man but I've heard about him. He's a womanizer and a drunk. She's not to be around him,” he ordered.

“Hugh, you can't stop her from having a friend,” Dorothy argued.

“Yes, I can.”

And that was that. Hugh stormed out of the room leaving his wife to wonder what had just happened. All she knew was that Hillary liked talking with this little boy and he was sweet. And they were just children, it's not like they had anything to worry about like dating. That was a long way off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read/commented on the first chapter! It means a lot to get some feedback. I'm posting this today because I'm going out of town for the weekend but should be back to posting on Sunday when I return.

Late Summer 1959

 

It was a few days until the school year was to start and it looked like chaos inside the Rodham house. Little Tony would be off to his first day of kindergarten, Hughie was going into third grade and Hillary would finally be entering junior high. This was a day that Dorothy knew her daughter was looking forward to not only because it was a new school but because she would be in school with Billy again. They had been in separate schools the last year because he was a year older but now the best friends would be able to eat lunch together again.

Not that being in separate schools had kept them apart very much. The two were practically inseparable when outside of school, much to the chagrin of her father. He still didn’t want Hillary around Billy because of the boy’s father but there didn’t seem to be much he could do to keep them apart. They were best friends and both quite miserable when kept apart. Hugh knew this because Billy had been in Arkansas for the past few weeks and Hillary had moped around the house much of the time. She still went out and played with the other neighborhood kids, enjoyed her Girl Scouts and organized games to raise money for charities, which he was quite impressed with, but she just wasn’t herself. He could tell the last few days she was getting excited to see her friend because he was supposed to come home the next day.

The phone in the kitchen rang loudly and Dorothy could hear heavy footsteps overhead running towards the stairs to see who was on the other line. She watched as Hillary ran down the stairs and waited while her mother answered the phone, hoping it was for her. Hoping that it was Billy saying that he was home and he wanted to go play in the park.

“Hello?” Dorothy answered the phone. “Oh, hi Ginger,” she said and immediately saw Hillary perk up. “Oh no… Oh, I’m so sorry... How is he? Okay, I’ll tell her. Take care.” And she hung up the phone.

“Is he home?” Hillary asked. When she saw the somber look on her mother’s face, she knew something terrible had happened. “What’s wrong?”

“Honey, there was an accident,” she started and Hillary’s eyes widened and started to fill with tears. “Billy and his family were on their way home from Arkansas when they went off the road.”

“No!” the girl cried. Dorothy reached for her daughter and held her tight. 

“Honey, Billy is okay but his daddy didn’t make it,” she explained but it didn't seem to help. 

Hillary broke down in tears, heavy sobs could be heard throughout the house. Hugh came into the room quickly only to stop when Dorothy held up her hand. When the boys came running after him, he quickly ushered them into the backyard without answering their questions as to why Hillary was so upset. 

Dorothy knew that while her daughter wasn't close to Bill Blythe, she was hurting for her best friend over the loss of his father. She had such a large capacity for caring for other people. Dorothy liked to pride herself on raising such a wise child but knew in her heart that it was Hillary herself that was responsible for the good person she was becoming. Once her tears had settled down a bit Hillary pulled away from her mother’s embrace and began wiping them away. 

“You said Billy was okay?” she asked in a shaky voice.

“Yes, sweetie. He was checked out by the hospital and only had a small cut on his head,” Dorothy explained to the girl. She watched her daughter take a few steadying breaths only for tears to spring to her eyes again.

“Can I go see him?” Hillary asked.

“Honey, I don’t…"

“Please!” she cut her mother off. “Please,” she said again in a much softer voice.

Dorothy looked at her daughter and her heart broke for her. She finally relented and suggested they make a casserole to bring over with them. Hillary helped her mother put everything together and ran upstairs to change once they put it in the oven. When she hadn’t emerged after half an hour, Dorothy went looking for her only to find her sitting on the floor clutching a framed photo of herself and Billy, tears falling down her face again.

“Sweetheart, he’s okay,” her mother said as she wrapped her up in her arms.

“But… but he could have died. Like his father did,” Hillary cried.

She wasn’t sure what kind of reaction she was expecting her daughter to have but this was not it. Her daughter was always so strong but she had never faced losing someone she cared about. While her paternal grandmother died when Hillary was only five, she was so young that she didn’t fully understand what had happened and her grandfather was still alive, to whom she was closer to. Dorothy’s own father had died the year Hillary was born and her mother was still alive and around as little as she always had been so this was the first time someone had died that she knew well enough to be upset about. She also knew that Hillary was probably more upset about the possibility of losing her best friend. She knew that her daughter needed to see Billy to make sure that he was okay.

 The timer on the oven went off and forced them up off the floor and down the stairs. They were getting things ready to pack in a bag when Hugh walked in the kitchen. The boys were still out in the yard and he asked Hillary to go out and watch them while her parents spoke. She silently nodded and walked towards the backyard. 

“She okay?” he asked as soon as the back door closed.

“Billy’s father was killed in a car accident. Billy was in the car with them and I think the thought of losing her best friend really scared her,” Dorothy explained.

“Oh,” was all Hugh said. He looked over to his wife to see a not too pleasant look on her face.

“Oh? Hugh, that boy could have died! Do you know how heartbroken Hillary would have been?” she asked. She was so upset for her daughter and her husband didn’t seem to care that their child was in pain.

“I don’t want anything to happen to him but maybe she should start spending time with other friends. They’re always together. It’s not right for a girl to have a boy as her best friend,” Hugh argued back. 

“Hugh they’re just children! He’s not going to do anything to her if that’s what you’re worried about. He only turned thirteen a few weeks ago!”

But that was what her father was worried about. Billy was only a year older than Hillary but he knew how teenage boys were. He also knew that Billy didn’t have much to look up to when it came to a decent man in his life. The whole town knew that Bill Blythe was a womanizer. Though he never wished harm to the man, he was happy he wouldn’t be around his daughter anymore. He was about to go off again when he saw Hillary come in the back door.

“Can we go, mom?” Hillary asked with a sense of urgency.

Dorothy looked to her husband as if to tell him that their discussion was not over. She hated that Hugh didn’t want Billy and Hillary spending time together. He had held that opinion from the time they had met as small children and by now she knew that it probably would not change. She seriously hoped that it did because she had a feeling that Billy would always have a big part of her daughter’s life, one way or another. 

“Yes, sweetie let’s go,” she said and grabbed her purse and car keys while Hillary grabbed the bag with the casserole in it. As they made their way the few miles to the Blythe house, Dorothy watched her daughter. She was fidgeting which was very unlike Hillary. “Honey, it’s okay. We’ll be there in a minute and you’ll see that he’s fine.”

When they got to the house, Hillary jumped out of the car and ran to ring the doorbell when she heard her mother to stop. Dorothy made it to the porch and rang the bell. She heard footsteps coming down the stairs and as soon as the door opened Hillary threw her arms around the boy who opened it. Billy wrapped his arms around her and simply held on. He was quite a bit bigger than her and his arms completely surrounded her which she didn’t seem to mind.

Virginia walked into the foyer to see the two embracing and looked to Dorothy with a sad smile. The children let go of each other long enough to go upstairs to Billy’s room while their mothers went into the kitchen. After asking all the usual questions Dorothy finally asked how Billy was doing emotionally.

“He seems okay. I mean, he’s a tough kid but I’m not sure it’s hit him yet,” Virginia explained.

“Hillary hasn’t stopped crying since you called and I told her what happened. I know she’s sad about Bill but I think it’s more than that. She’s never really lost anyone close to her. With how close those two are I can’t imagine what it would be like if something happened to either one of them.”

Virginia felt the same way and was troubled by it. She liked Hillary but she wasn’t the kind of girl she wanted her boy to spend his time with. She hoped that her husband would eventually want to move their family back to Arkansas and Billy would find a sweet little southern girl to marry when he was old enough. Hillary was much too smart and opinionated to make a good housewife in her eyes. But she didn’t even want to think about that yet. They were barely in junior high.

Up in Billy’s room the two sat on the floor next to bed as close as possible. They hadn’t said much but held hands and took comfort in the other being there. Hillary looked at her friend and saw the small cut on his forehead just below his hairline. When she started to cry again, he pulled her into a hug.

“I’m so sorry about your dad,” she said into his shoulder. When he nodded against her she continued, “But I’m so happy that you’re okay.”

“Me, too. I missed you,” he admitted. They hadn’t seen each other in weeks and this wasn’t how either had planned their reunion.

They sat like that for a while, both emotionally and physically drained from crying most of the day. Billy noticed that Hillary seemed to be falling asleep next to him so he helped her get up onto his bed where he covered her with a throw. He settled next to her, on top of the blankets, and she immediately reached for his hand. This was how their mothers found them an hour later and knew that they would eventually have trouble on their hands.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the feedback! I really hope that you like this chapter.

Spring 1962

 

Dorothy was starting to set out her preparations for an afternoon snack for her three children when she heard the front door open. Footsteps in the foyer were heard along with loud voices of two rambunctious little boys. She listened for a minute longer and didn’t hear a third set of feet. She looked down the hallway to see her sons coming into the kitchen. They took a seat at the table and quickly quieted down.

“Where’s your sister?” she asked and the boys didn’t say a word. They both looked at each other a little sheepishly and she knew something was going on. 

“What’s wrong?”

“She’s umm…” Tony started but stopped short, looking to his brother for guidance.

“She’s really sad,” Hughie finally said. 

Dorothy was lost. Hillary had seemed totally fine that morning when she went to school. She was even excited because the school committee was getting ready to plan the spring dance. Hillary was always involved in everything in school but she seemed to be really happy that the school was allowing them to plan everything for this dance in a few weeks. 

“Why is she sad? What happened?” she inquired but didn’t have to wait for the boys to answer. 

The front door flew open and Hillary ran up the stairs. A moment later she heard the slamming of a door overhead.  Dorothy quickly put the boys’ snack down and ran up the stairs after her eldest child. She could hear crying through the door and felt her heart break. She had no idea what could have caused her this pain but would do anything in her power to take it away. She knocked lightly on the door before entering the room.

Her daughter was facedown on her bed, burying her tears in her pillow. Her cries hadn’t lessened any since she had gotten home, possibly even gotten worse. Dorothy walked over to Hillary’s bed and sat down beside her, placing a soothing hand on her back and asking her what had happened. All she heard was a mumbled response so she coaxed her teary daughter into sitting up just slightly.

“What's wrong, sweetie?” Hillary mumbled once more before Dorothy turned her around to look at her. Tears sprung to her eyes when she saw the puffy cheeks and red eyes of her oldest child. “What happened, honey?”

“He asked…” she started and broke into another sob. “He… asked… her,” was all that would come out between sobs and hiccups.

“Honey, I don't understand. Who asked whom what?” she asked, which brought on another round of sobs and Hillary covered her face with her hands. 

“Billy!” Hillary cried and then threw herself into her mother’s arms. 

Dorothy finally realized what was going on. Her little girl was going through her first heartache. She had been expecting this for a while. She had her suspicions about the two of them for a while and this was her proof that at least Hillary felt a little more than friendship for her best friend. 

“Oh, baby I'm so sorry,” Dorothy said as she rubbed her hands up and down her daughter’s back. “Did you talk to him?” When Hillary shook her head, she continued. “How will he know that you're upset if you don't tell him?” 

“I can't,” Hillary said softly against her mother's chest.  

“Why not?”

“I don't… I don't think he feels the same,” she finally got out only to break into a round of fresh tears.  

Her mother tried to soothe her but it didn't seem to help. So Dorothy simply sat with her daughter as she cried her way through her first heartbreak. It was a little while later when there was a soft knock on the door and it opened slowly to reveal a dark haired girl. Hillary was still too upset to even notice the door so Dorothy motioned for the girl to enter. 

“Hi Betsy,” Dorothy said and Hillary finally looked up at her other best friend.

“Hello Mrs. Rodham. The boys let me in. I hope it’s okay,” the girl answered.

“That’s fine sweetie. I’ll leave you two alone,” she said when she finally disentangled herself from her daughter and made her way to the door. When she passed Betsy, she said a quiet thank you and left the room. 

Once alone, Betsy took in her heartbroken best friend as Hillary was trying unsuccessfully to dry her tears. She reached for a tissue from the box on her bedside table and wiped the remaining tears. Betsy took a seat beside her on the bed and they sat in silence for a few minutes.

“You okay?” Betsy asked breaking the calm. When Hillary didn’t answer, her friend continued. “I don’t know why he would ask Alice. They don’t even really know each other.”

“I don’t know,” Hillary said softly.

“Are you going to say anything to him?” Hillary shook her head, no. “What do you mean? Why not?”

“Bets, he obviously doesn’t feel the same way. He just sees me as his friend. I’m not going to embarrass myself like that!”

“Who are you and what have you done with Hillary Rodham? Come on, Hill! I’ve never known you to walk away from anything,” her friend encouraged her.

“This is different,” Hillary argued. She ran her hand through her hair which left it sticking up in odd places. Betsy would have laughed had her friend not been so upset. She always told Hillary that her hair had a mind of its own. 

“How? What’s so different?” her friend questioned. “Hill, I know how you feel about him.”

“Please stop,” Hillary begged her friend. She was embarrassed that she not only had a crush on one of her best friends and he didn't feel the same, but also that she had told her other best friend.

“Fine,” Betsy relented. “But don't be upset over something you won't do anything to change. Isn't that what you always say?” 

When Hillary didn't answer, Betsy decided with was best to leave it alone so she got out her homework. Hillary took her book out as well and silently started on her homework. Every once in a while there was a sniffle or Hillary would wipe her eyes but she didn't draw any attention to it. This was how Dorothy found them when she came up awhile later.

“You girls can come down to the kitchen to do your homework if you'd like. The boys are next door so they won't bother you. And I have something for you,” she said before she left the room to walk down the stairs. When they came down a few minutes later, Dorothy saw the first beginnings of a smile from her daughter when she set a plate of fresh chocolate chip cookies on the table. She handed her daughter and her friend a Tab soda and said, “Don't let your father know I let you have one, especially before dinner.” 

The girls had set their books out and got to work, snacking on the cookies and sipping their sodas when there was a knock at the door. Dorothy told them to keep working and she walked down the hallway to the front door. She opened it to reveal a sheepish looking Billy Blythe. 

“Evenin’, Mrs. Rodham,” Billy said in his southern drawl that he couldn't seem to shake no matter how long he'd lived in the Midwest. “Is Hillary here?”

Dorothy took a moment before answering. She knew that her daughter probably didn't want to see the boy but she also knew that Hillary needed to. She needed to face her problems head on, that's what she had always taught her. She thought about letting her daughter get out of this one because it was after all her first heartbreak but then realized that she would have to face this sometime and it might as well be here where she could help her through it. Dorothy invited him in and walked back down the hallway to the kitchen where the girls were still buried in their books.

“Hillary,” Dorothy called when she entered the kitchen. She immediately felt guilty when her daughter turned around and she saw the girl’s face. Her eyes went wide as she sent a pleading look at her mother. Dorothy just gave her look as if to tell her to deal with it, and made her way further into the kitchen but still keeping an eye on the kids. It was tough love but she had to learn some time.

“Hey, Hilly,” the boy said and Dorothy thought that Hillary was going to burst into tears. Billy was the only person to ever call her that and the only person she ever allowed to do so. Instead, Hillary's face went blank and her mother knew that she was not going to like what was about to happen.

“Hi,” Hillary replied with little to no emotion in her voice. She was hurt and she felt he was acting like nothing had happened.

“I didn't see you after school. I thought we were going to the mini-mart.” They always went to the mart after school on Wednesdays. Hillary was given her allowance on Tuesdays and would allow herself to spend fifty cents of it on candy. Most times they went, Billy ended up spending some of his money on candy for her because her favorite chocolates were ten cents while the rest of the candy was only penny candy. 

“I didn't feel like going to buy any candy today,” Hillary said coldly. 

“Oh. Okay,” Billy said softly, obviously hurt that she hadn't told him. “Are we still on for the movies on Friday? They're still showing ‘How The West Was Won’. I know you'll love it.” 

“No, sorry. Betsy is going to stay over this weekend and we're going to work on our project together. Right, Bets?” Hillary asked and turned to her friend, making a face to please agree with her. Betsy nodded her head but didn't say anything. She knew that Hillary was upset but she could also tell that Billy was getting upset with the way she was treating him.

“Okay,” he answered quietly and hung his head. He cleared his throat and raised his gaze to her again. “I, um, I guess I'll see you at lunch tomorrow. Bye, Mrs. Rodham. See ya, Betsy,” he said and turned to leave. 

Dorothy had watched the whole exchange and couldn't believe her daughter. She had never known her to treat someone so coldly, especially her closest friend. She could see that Hillary was still looking towards the door and as soon as they heard the latch softly click closed, Dorothy made her way over to stand in front of her daughter.

“Hillary Diane!” she scolded but couldn't get anything else out before Hillary burst into tears. She threw her arms around her mother and cried her heart out.

Meanwhile, Billy stood on the Rodham’s porch dumbfounded. He didn't know what he could have done to make Hillary so angry with him. He had never seen her be rude to anyone, certainly not him. She was opinionated and got her point across when she needed to but this was not one of those times. He had to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall at the thought that maybe she didn't want to be friends with him anymore. He had always felt that one day she would realize that he was just not that ‘cool’ and she could definitely surround herself with a more prominent group of people. Doctors and lawyers kids, not the son of a twice married nurse with sons by two different men.

Finally shaking off the feeling, he made his way down the steps and down the street towards his house. He shuffled his feet and stared at the ground as he walked. He was still raking his mind about Hillary when he got home to find his mother in the kitchen with his baby brother. She immediately noticed the downtrodden look on his face.

“What's wrong, Billy?” she asked.

“Nothin’,” he mumbled.

“Did you ask that pretty girl to the dance?” his mother asked. It had been her idea to ask Alice to the dance. He knew her in passing but his mother was friends with her mother and she had told Virginia that Alice had a little crush on Billy. Of course, Virginia didn't tell him that but had suggested her anyway.

“Yeah,” he mumbled again. He really didn't feel like talking about the dance. He had actually wanted to ask Hillary to go with him but he was afraid she didn't like him that way. He didn't want to ruin their friendship because he wanted to be more than friends. If she only wanted to be friends he was okay with that as long as she was in his life. 

“Did she say yes? Of course she said yes! Why would she say no to you?” Virginia started to ramble off.

“Yeah, she said yes. I'm going to my room to do my homework,” Billy said, quickly changing the subject and took off for the stairs.

Virginia was confused by her older son. He had seemed excited about the dance last week when she spoke to him and he didn't have anyone in mind to ask. Well, anyone she wanted him to ask. Virginia had a feeling that her son wanted to ask his best friend to go with him and that was something she didn't want happening. She liked the girl enough but not as her son’s girlfriend.

As the weeks went by and the dance approached, things between the two young friends did not improve. They hardly ever spoke and their groups of friends were beginning to wonder what had happened. Only Betsy really knew what was going on and she would never break Hillary's confidence. Teachers had also begun to notice the rift between the two and it had started to affect their school work and attitude in class. One teacher had even spoken to Dorothy about it, only out of concern, and Dorothy had told her that it was just growing pains. They would work it out soon, or so she hoped. 

Dorothy decided to try and cheer Hillary up by taking her shopping for a new dress for the dance. They spent the whole day searching for the perfect dress and at the last boutique, they knew they had found it. Hillary knew that most of the girls going to the dance would be in fancy, full-skirted dresses with frilly capped sleeves. She wanted something different. And different she found in a black and white floral patterned tight pencil dress that was sleeveless with a boat-neck and low cut back. It was very ‘Jackie Kennedy’ and she loved it even if she was told she didn't agree with her Mrs. Kennedy’s politics. 

So when she walked into the gymnasium on Saturday night all eyes turned towards her. She was right in thinking that none of the other girls would be as daring as to wear a dress like the one she had on. Being just into their teens some girls could choose to embrace their maturity while other decided to hang on to their youth just a while longer. Hillary decided that she quite liked the womanly body she was developing and embraced her curves that were highlighted by her dress. Her thick, blonde hair was swept up onto the top of her head in a bun and her mother even allowed her to wear a touch of make-up. 

One set of eyes she felt immediately was the pale blue eyes of her best friend. She could feel his gaze follow her every movement and she wasn't sure why. She even made eye contact with him thinking he would look away only for him to stare right back. She finally looked away when his date walked over to him and pulled him out onto the dance floor. 

Hillary sought out Betsy and some of her other friends that were sitting on the bleachers. Some of their friends had come with dates but most in their little group came together as friends. One boy in Hillary's math class had asked her to go with him but she was still so upset over Billy’s rejection that she hadn't thought about going with another boy and said no. She was only slightly regretting that decision watching Billy dance with Alice. 

“He's watching you, Hill,” one of her friends said. 

Another piped in, “He's been looking at you all night.” 

“Guy, leave her alone,” Betsy said moving closer to Hillary. She silently asked if she was alright and Hillary gave a soft nod. 

“What happened, Hillary? It's like you hate each other now?” one girl asked. 

“Nothing!” Hillary said too quickly and a little too sharply. Realizing her mistake, she stood abruptly. “I have to use the ladies room. Excuse me.” She took off in the direction of the doors before anyone could say anything. 

“I told you not to say anything!” Betsy scolded their group of friends. While they were all close, Betsy was closest of the girls to Hillary and the only one who knew about Billy. She debated going after her best friend but decided that Hillary would most likely want to be left alone so she let her go. 

From the dance floor, Billy watched the scene unfold. From Hillary's friends asking her questions to her fast departure and his eyes followed her out the door. At first he thought she was heading towards the restrooms but she hesitated at the hallway and then pushed her way out the door to the courtyard. He had to know what was wrong with her so he left his date standing in the middle of the dance floor and took off towards the door.

He pushed open the door and was met with a cool breeze of evening air. He looked around for a minute before he found the lone figure on a bench just far enough away from the doors to not be noticed unless someone came all the way outside. He walked over to her and could see that she was shivering so he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders when he got close enough.

Hillary was so deep into her thoughts that she hadn't heard the door open or footsteps as Billy approached. She jumped when he placed his jacket over her and began to pull it off when she realized who it was.

“Hillary, stop!” he said as he reached for her to keep the jacket over her trembling shoulders. “Keep it on, you're freezing.”

“Well, I'm going back in anyway,” she said and tried to stand again when Billy grabbed her hand. She went to yank her arm away from him when she caught the look on his face. It was a combination of confusion and hurt and it made her halt her movements. 

“Can we stop this?” he asked, waving his hand between the two of them. “Whatever ‘this’ is? I don't know what happened and why you won't talk to me anymore. Hilly, I miss you,” he choked out the last part. 

“I'm surprised. You always seem like you're having a great time with all your friends.” 

“What are you talkin’ about?” Billy asked. He turned to face her to maybe be able to get a read on her emotions but she kept her eyes locked straight ahead. 

“All of your friends and girlfriends always around. You don't need someone like me around,” she offered. When he didn't respond, she continued. “What about Alice?” 

“What about her?” he asked. He had barely spoken to Alice since he asked her to the dance so he had no idea what Hillary was talking about. 

“Aren’t you dating her? Isn’t that why you asked her to the dance?”

“No,” he said softly and Hillary finally turned her gaze to him, confusion written across her features. “Is that why you're mad at me?”

Hillary quickly turned her head away, embarrassed that maybe she had gotten it all wrong. Maybe she had spent the last few weeks miserable and punishing Billy for something he didn't even do. It was so unlike her to jump to conclusions but when it came to Billy her mind turned to mush. It was a feeling she had never experienced before or with anyone else. When she finally turned her face to look at Billy, tears had started to pool in her eyes but had yet to fall.

“Why would you be mad if I was dating Alice?” he asked quietly, hoping beyond everything that maybe she was a little jealous. He watched her fidget with her hands, toy with the button on his jacket that was still draped over her bare shoulders. He placed his larger hand over hers to settle her movements and was surprised to notice that both of her small hands could fit into one of his. “Hillary?”

“I don't know!” she finally got out before covering her mouth with her hand to hold in a sob. Her tears had started to fall and Billy turned her face to him and wiped the mascara lines from her cheeks. He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped away the make-up, silently thanking his grandfather for always insisting that he carry one. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured her as he continued to dry her face once the tears had started to run clear of make-up. “You don’t need to cry.”

“I’m sorry,” Hillary whispered through her tears. 

“For what?”

“I was so mean to you! I don’t know why but I was just so upset that you would ask her to the dance…” she started to ramble and Billy tried hard to keep up with her. “We had never talked about going together but we had gone together as friends before but I didn’t want to just go as friends and I didn’t know if you did,” she continued until Bill finally cut her off.

“I wanted to ask you to go as my date,” he said and broke through her stumbling words. Hillary stared at him for a few moments so he went on to say, “I wasn’t sure if you would say yes. And my mother wanted me to ask Alice.”

“You… really wanted to ask me?” she asked softly.

“God, yes,” he exclaimed which made her laugh a little. It was a sound he hadn’t heard in weeks and hadn’t realized just how much he loved it until that very moment. “I’ve missed that sound so much.”

“I’m sorry.”

“None of that! We’re good, right?” he asked to which she nodded her head. “More than good?”

Hillary’s eyes finally locked with his and she felt something shift. The look in his eyes was no longer just that of her best friend but it was something she had never seen before. It was something she had read about in novels or seen on the movie screen but never before had it been directed at her. She had never felt the shivers it sent down her spine or the warm feeling in her chest and belly.

She watched as those eyes that were searching hers fell just slightly down her face to her lips and then back up again. She unconsciously ran her tongue over those lips to wet them and the motion caught his eyes again. Her heart started pounding even faster as she watched Billy lean just a little closer. He caught her eye once more as if to ask permission before pressing his lips to hers.

It was the softest of touch but it sent a jolt through both of them. Their eyes fell shut as they moved their lips just slightly before breaking apart. When they opened their eyes again it was like seeing the other in a new light. Hillary smiled softly and dropped her gaze while Billy leaned forward a little more to place a kiss on her forehead. When she lifted her head they smiled at each other.

“More than good,” she agreed and leaned forward to softly press her lips against his again.

The doors to the courtyard flew open and were loud enough to pull them out of their trance and physically pull away from the other. They waited for one of the teachers to notice them and they braced themselves for the scolding they were bound to get. 

“What are you kids doing out here?” the teacher asked. Hillary was about to answer when Billy started to speak before her.

“Well, ma’am, we were dancing and Hillary here,” he said indicating to Hillary by his side, “Well, she got a little warm so we came out here for some fresh air.”

The teacher eyed them skeptically. She knew they probably weren't telling the whole truth, or any truth for that matter, but decided to let them go. She indicated for them to stand and go back inside. The two stood and Billy grabbed Hillary by the hand before walking back towards the door.

When they walked back into the gymnasium hand-in-hand, all of their friends noticed. Hillary looked over to Betsy who was smiling from ear to ear at the sight. They passed the bleachers and Billy stopped her before removing his jacket from her shoulders and placing it on the bench. He then took her hand again and lead her to the dance floor. 

When Billy wrapped his arms around Hillary's waist and her arms went around his neck, Alice was forgotten. The boy from math class was forgotten. The weeks that they had spent apart not necessarily forgotten but definitely learned from. This was new territory for them both and they would have to learn to navigate or it could be a bumpy road ahead. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading/commenting! It means a lot to get some feedback. This one is a little long but I hope you'll like it.

Late Spring 1963

 

It was a warm day in June and Dorothy was going about her daily chores. She cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry and was walking around her pantry making a list of things she needed at the grocery store as she went. A knock at the door pulled her from her task and she set her pad of paper on the counter and walked down the hallway to the front door. When she opened it to reveal Billy’s mother, Virginia Clinton, she wasn’t sure how to respond. While the women were friendly they were far from friends but they had a certain understanding when it came to their children.

“Hi, Ginger,” Dorothy greeted her after opening the door. She motioned for the other woman to enter the house and lead her to the kitchen. She had a serious look on her face underneath all that make-up and it concerned Dorothy a bit. “What can I do for you?” she asked as she motioned for the other woman to sit down.

“Well,” Virginia started with her thick drawl. “I wanted to tell you first and then maybe discuss how to tell the kids.” She paused for a moment and Dorothy couldn’t tell if it was to try to find the words or add more drama to what she had to say. “We’re moving at the end of the summer.”

“Okay…” Dorothy said in a tone that could have been a statement or question. Why would it matter to her if they were moving houses?

“To Arkansas,” she said and Virginia watched Dorothy’s face fall. She knew that while she didn’t approve of their children’s relationship, Dorothy did.

“You haven’t told the boys, yet?” she asked and sat down with a huff.

“Well, little Roger is too young to really care but I haven’t told Billy yet,” Virginia replied. She could tell that Dorothy was running things through her mind about how to deal with this. “I just wanted to see how you wanted to tell Hillary. I mean, I know they’re cute and all but they’re just kids. This isn’t some wild romance we’ll be ending.”

Dorothy simply stared at the other woman. She knew that from the time they were small children, Virginia made it clear she thought Hillary either wasn’t good enough or pretty enough for her son. She never came out and said it but would always point out certain things that would have been better left unsaid. She was furious when she learned that it had been Virginia’s suggestion to ask another girl to the dance that had caused her daughter such heartache all the while knowing that Billy had wanted to ask Hillary.

Now she was treating their relationship like it was nothing. Yes, they were young, but Dorothy had watched their relationship grow from the time they were small and there was no denying that these two had a very deep, very real connection. When one hurt, they both hurt. She knew this was going to devastate them both and Virginia was acting like it was no big deal. When her little girl hurt, that was a big deal to her.

“It’s going to devastate them,” Dorothy spoke her true feelings. She knew the woman across from her didn’t feel the same but she knew those kids. “What was your plan?”

“Well, we’re having movers come in July to pack the house and move everything. Roger is paying for everything so we don’t have to do it ourselves!” she bragged. When she didn’t get the desired response she continued, “I was thinking we could take the boys away that week and tell them.”

“You’re not going to tell them until a week before they have to leave?” she asked. That was a bit harsh, she thought. Give them a little warning. Dorothy leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest, staring at the floor. Her head whipped back up when she remembered their plans. “We’re going to Pennsylvania the last few weeks of July and into August.”

“And?” Virginia asked.

“And, why don’t you come with us? At least for a week. It will give the kids some time to spend together and we can tell them together,” Dorothy suggested. She knew Virginia probably wouldn’t want to but she was trying to give their children as much time together as possible. “I know you think this is going to be no big thing but they’re going to be heartbroken. Don’t you remember your first love?”

“I do… And I got over it, I’m sure they will soon as well. I’ll talk to Roger about it. Where would we stay? Certainly I don’t want them spending the night in the same house.”

“Of course not. There are cabins for rent on the lake and plenty of things for all of us to do,” she explained and stood up from the table. She walked to the counter and picked up herself abandoned grocery list. She ripped off the top page before scribbling the number of the Lake Winola rental company and handing it to the other woman. Virginia took the paper and they began walking towards the front door.

They said their goodbyes and Virginia left, leaving Dorothy alone with her thoughts. Talking about first loves made her a little sad because her first and only love was Hugh. Not sad, per se, but perhaps a little lonely at times. Her childhood being what it was left little time for many friends let alone boyfriends. She had a crush on a young boy in her class once but was always too shy to talk to him. Then he started dating one of the only girls she was close with and all that changed.

But that’s not how it was for the two young lovebirds. They had literally grown up together and knew each other better than anyone else. When Hillary had come home from the dance last year with a smile on her face she knew that something had happened with Billy. She was a little nervous when Hillary told her that they had kissed but as long as that’s all they did. She prayed that that was still all they did.

Thinking about the fact that her daughter was old enough to even have to worry about that made her sigh. But she knew her daughter. She knew Hillary was smart and determined in whatever she did. Dorothy knew that Hillary wanted to go to college and become someone that could make a difference. She wasn't sure exactly what she would major in but it would be something that could be used to help others.

Dorothy had to smile when she remembered just a few short years ago when Hillary started seriously thinking about what she wanted to be when she grew up. She'd always known she wanted to help people so one obvious choice would be a doctor. Dorothy knew someone whose husband was a dentist and let Hillary shadow him for a day to see if she would maybe enjoy helping people that way. The poor girl didn't last but a few hours when Dorothy got a call saying that Hillary had passed out at the sight of blood during an oral surgery. That took a few options away and she started focusing on civil service and how best to make change that way. Law school was the most common thought passed around at the moment.

Imagining Hillary’s future brought her back to the problem at hand. The two had to be separated at some point because Billy was looking at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. and Hillary was thinking of one of the Seven Sister colleges in the northeast. This would only separate them sooner than planned and put their relationship to the test. She knew that Virginia would be more than happy for the move to end their young love but Dorothy had faith they would figure something out.

Deciding there was nothing she could do about it right now anyway Dorothy went back to her tasks for the day. She had to get her grocery shopping done before the kids got home from school and getting out of the house would hopefully take her mind off the impending heartache she knew her daughter would experience once the move was revealed.

When she returned home she did what she did every day right before the end of the school day. Dinner plans were started, a snack was set aside for each child and unfortunately the scotch decanter in the den was refilled. When everyone else came home, Dorothy didn't mention Virginia’s visit until the kids were all in their rooms and Hillary was well out of earshot.

“They're moving, huh?” Hugh asked and Dorothy could just barely pick up the small amount of glee in his tone.

“I know you’re happy but your daughter is going to be heartbroken.”

“I’m not happy that she’ll be hurt but I am happy that she won’t be around him anymore. She needs to focus on her schoolwork and not a boy,” he spit out before he emptied his second glass of scotch. “When are they leaving? Hopefully soon so she’ll have the summer to focus on school again.”

“They’re coming to the lake with us,” Dorothy threw over her shoulder as she walked out of the den into the kitchen. She knew it wouldn’t take long before she heard angry footsteps behind her.

“Like hell they are!” Hugh yelled. “That’s my family’s place and I won’t have those people there!”

“Shhh!” she tried to hush him. “Stop yelling. Hillary doesn't know and they haven't even told the boys yet.”

“I don't care. They're not coming to my family's place. My father built that house and I don't want those people there,” Hugh continued to argue.

“Why?” she asked. “Why don't you approve of him? He's been nothing but good to Hillary her whole life and that's somehow not good enough for you. Will anyone ever be good enough for her in your eyes? Will she ever be good enough?” Dorothy asked the last question softly. To her her daughter was amazing. She had to prove herself to be that but Dorothy felt she had and she was incredible. Very intelligent, driven and capable to doing anything she put her mind to. But sometimes she felt that her husband didn't feel the same way about their daughter. Maybe it was just the fact that she was a girl and had the misfortune of being born first that her father never truly forgave her for. He was a man’s man and wanted sons to carry on his tradition and what he got was a small blonde-haired, blue-eyed spitfire that gave him a run for his money on any topic from the time she learned to speak.

“I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I don't want her throwing her life away over some boy. She's a bright girl but could do better if she focused more,” Hugh said while not really answering Dorothy's question. A question she felt she would never have answered. She watched as he put his glass in the sink for her to wash and walked up to bed.

He didn't take the news any better a few days later when she told him that the Clinton family was indeed going to Lake Winola and had rented a cottage near the one they owned. The kids, on the other hand, were over the moon. Hughie and Tony liked having little Roger to play with mainly because he was younger than them and they could boss him around while Hillary and Billy were just happy they would be able to spend the whole summer together. Neither set of parents said anything about the move and Dorothy was sure it was going to backfire on them all.

When the time finally came in the middle of July to make the trek to Pennsylvania, Hugh insisted on making the trip in one day. They would all get up early and get on the road, making stops only for gas and emergencies, hoping to make it there in less than fourteen hours. It didn't take long for Hughie and Tony to start fighting earning a many ‘do you want me to pull this car over?’ or threats to turn around and go home. Hillary tried to block out all the noise and pretend to read the book in her lap all the while daydreaming about spending time with Billy at the lake. She would show him around all the neat hiding spots she had found as a child and tell him the stories of the lake that had been told to her many times.

They pulled into their driveway just before 9:00 pm and all five kids took off towards the water. The younger boys all stripped down to their shorts, leaving a trail of clothes and shoes along the way, before jumping into the lake. Billy and Hillary walked slowly, hand-in-hand, and watched the little ones frolic in the water until they heard their parents yelling for everyone to come and help bring their bags in. They waited until the adults weren't looking and the boys were running back up the the cottages and Billy softly pressed his lips to Hillary's.

“I've been waiting all day to do that,” he whispered against her lips before claiming them again. Hillary pulled away before the kiss got out of hand like they had recently and lead him back up the walkway.

Sometime around midnight both families had settled into their home for the time, the younger boys were all in bed and both sets of parents had turned all the lights off for the night. Billy and Hillary had other plans. When making his way to his room earlier, Billy figured out which floorboards creaked the loudest on his way to the door and made sure to avoid them on his way out of the darkened cottage. Hillary was lucky that she had her own room and had been sneaking out of it since she was little to go sit down by the water at night when her parents thought she was already in bed. They met by the walkway and were immediately locked in a heated kiss.

Their kisses lately had gotten a little more intense. They had been officially dating for fifteen months and in that time had progressed from short pecks, to soft kisses with inquisitive tongues, to hands that didn't want to stay still, to the one time they had gotten a little out of control and Billy had to pull away in order to not embarrass himself. This kiss seemed to be headed in that direction until Hillary finally pulled her lips from his and simply wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she murmured into the crook of his neck.

They pulled apart and walked down to the lake where they sat on the dock, letting their feet touch the water. It was dark but the moon was out and its reflection off the water made it easy to see the expanse of the lake. Billy wrapped his arm over her shoulder and they sat there for hours, kissing every now and then. It wasn’t until they noticed the sun had started to come up that they realized they should be getting back inside. With one last long kiss, they broke apart and ran to their separate cabins.

“You’re lucky I’m not your father,” Hillary heard and jumped at the sound of her mother’s voice when she was trying her best to close the door quietly. She turned to see the slightly disappointed look on her mother’s face.

“We didn’t do anything! We were just sitting by the water,” Hillary explained. “Please don’t tell Dad.”

Looking at the desperation on her daughter’s face she couldn’t help but give in. She trusted her daughter and knew that telling Hugh would only cause more trouble than it was worth. She also felt bad for keeping from her the fact that this would be her last chance to spend time with Billy. Hillary’s eyes went wide when she heard heavy footsteps on the stairs and knew she was going to be grounded for the rest of the summer.

“Honey, thank you for getting up early to help me,” Dorothy said rather loudly to make sure that Hugh heard her. “Why don’t you go back up to bed for a while.”

Hillary eyed her mother for a moment before nodding her head as her father came into the room. Dorothy pressed a kiss to her daughter’s head and gently pushed her out of the room before Hugh could notice she was still wearing the clothes she had on yesterday. Dorothy busied herself making coffee and breakfast until she heard a loud truck pull up outside and knew it was her brother-in-law, Willard. She knew he would be by with the morning paper and an update on Hugh Sr. so she set out another cup and filled it with coffee.

“Mornin’,” he said as he walked in the door and took the seat with the coffee in front of it. Dorothy greeted him while Hugh simply grumbled. “Who are the people in the cottage a few doors down? Never seen them before.”

“Those are the Clintons. They’re sort of neighbors of ours,” Dorothy answered because she was afraid of what Hugh would say although her answer didn’t stop him.

“They’re not our neighbors!” he all but growled. “I didn’t want them to come but Dorothy, here, invited them. Their boy is nothing but trouble for Hillary. I can’t wait until they’re gone.”

“How long are they staying?” Willard asked.

“He means when they move,” Dorothy said quietly, mindful of possible ears hearing from the second floor. “Their family is moving next month and they haven’t told the kids yet. Hillary has been dating their oldest son for over a year and she’s going to be heartbroken.”

“She’ll be fine,” Hugh protested. He was about to go off again when he heard feet on the stairs. Two little boys ran down the stairs and threw themselves at their Uncle Willard. “Where’s your sister?”

“She was up early with me so she went back to sleep for a while,” Dorothy said, covering for her oldest child. Hugh simply nodded and went back to the paper while the boys ran outside to play.

“So is this the Catholic Democrat she was always threatening everyone she was going to marry?” Willard joked. Hillary had announced several years ago that when she grew up she would marry a Catholic Democrat after hearing several of the men talking poorly about everybody who wasn’t just like them and they agreed that if she succeeded in that, it would be the worst fate she could meet.

“He’s a Southern Baptist,” Hugh said with disgust. Willard just laughed at his younger brother. He knew he was protective of his only girl and he couldn’t blame him. Hillary was a smart and beautiful girl and he would be protective of his daughter as well, if he’d had one.

It was several hours later when Dorothy realized that Hillary was still asleep. Climbing the stairs to the second floor, she made her way to the small room at the end of the hallway. She opened the door the peek inside and found her daughter sprawled across her small bed, lean limbs every which way, her body covered in nothing but a tank-top and short shorts and her hair all over the place, which made Dorothy wince knowing she was going to have to help her brush out the knots later. But for now she just looked at her girl, not so little anymore. She would be sixteen in a few months and she already looked like a young woman having matured at a young age. She took a step closer and forgot that there was a very squeaky floorboard and she noticed her daughter stir.

“Mom?” Hillary called in a sleepy voice.

“Are you ready to get up? I’m surprised the board woke you up, you usually sleep like the dead!” her mother joked and got a soft laugh from the girl as she stretched. Dorothy sat down on the edge of her daughter’s bed and brushed the hair out of her face. “Please don’t make me lie to your father again.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“That’s not the point. The point is you snuck out in the first place. Hillary, I trust you but you need to keep that trust. Are we understood, young lady?”

“Yes, Mom,” Hillary replied. She hated disappointing her mother or giving her a hard time because she worked so hard for her and her brothers. “I’m sorry,” she said again and wrapped her arms around her mother.

“Okay,” her mother said, pulling away. “Get up and go find that boy of your’s. But I mean it Hillary, don’t make me lose my trust in you.”

Hillary nodded her head and stood from the bed in search of something to wear for the day. Dorothy placed a kiss on her forehead before she left the girl alone to get dressed. She had settled at the kitchen table with a cup of tea when there was a tall shadow cast in her doorway. She looked up with find Billy standing there and she waved for him to come inside. She could tell he was about to say something when they both heard Hillary walk down the stairs.

“Hey,” she said softly as she grabbed his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. The skin her lips had just touched suddenly turned pink that sent an internal thrill through her whole body. She turned to her mother and said, “We’re going hiking.”

“Take your brothers with you,” Dorothy said. She noticed the annoyed expression on her daughter’s face and watched it change to acceptance once on the other end of her glare.

The two made their way out of the cottage and gathered the younger boys before setting off on one of the many trails into the mountains. Hillary told Billy all about their visits as children, how they would go on long drives through the mountains, how her father taught her to shoot and fish and of some of the friends she had made that taught her to water ski on the lake. They hiked for hours until Hughie started to complain that he was hungry so they turned around to head back to their cottage.

The next few days were much of the same. The adults would mainly visit with the locals whom they only saw once a year and the children all scattered, finding various activities to occupy their time. One day while they were hanging out by the water, Billy looked up to see a boy about his age on horseback making his way towards them.

“Who’s that?” he quietly asked Hillary. She turned her head to the newcomer and smiled brightly.

“Oh, that’s John! His family lives in these mountains year round. They’re I guess what you could call ‘Mountain People’. They don’t have electricity or cars. And they make mostly everything they have by hand,” Hillary explained before she jumped up to greet her friend. “How’s Bramble doing these days?” she asked as she stretched her hand out to pet the beautiful Paint he was riding.

“Oh, she’s doin’ fine,” John replied as he dismounted and pulled Hillary in for a hug. Billy was on his feet immediately and at her side. Hillary noticed it and decided to put an end to whatever was going on in his head.

“John, this is my boyfriend, Billy.”

“Nice to meet you” John said with an outstretched hand. “You got a real special girl here. Hold on to her,” he said once Billy shook his hand. “I gotta go into town to get some supplies but I hope to see you before you leave.”

And with that he mounted his horse again and took off in the direction of Foster’s store. Seeing John gave Hillary an idea of how to make their summer one they would never forget. Years ago she had gone riding with him and he had taken her to an old abandoned cabin in the woods, far up on the mountain. It wasn’t too run down, the walls were still standing to keep any wildlife out but no person had lived in it for years. John kept the place pretty clean because he would sleep there every once in awhile when he was out hunting and it got too cold. Hillary had decided that she wanted to take Billy there.

Later in the day she put her plan into motion. She knew that her brothers were going into town with her Uncle Willard and her mother was planning a big dinner so she would be preoccupied and hopefully not notice she was gone. Hillary packed a bag with food for a small picnic, donned her new lacy bra and underwear set she had bought before they came to Pennsylvania and snuck out the door. Billy was outside with his stepfather when he noticed Hillary coming their way and took off in her direction.

“Where are you going?” he asked, indicating the bag over her shoulder.

“I want to show you something,” she replied and took his hand. Off they went towards the trail that would take them to their little hideaway in the woods. Half an hour later they reached the cabin and Billy had a pretty good idea what Hillary’s plans were and he couldn’t be happier.

They made their way inside and Hillary was happily surprised to find that it was still in good condition. It was a one room cabin with a cast-iron cookstove on one wall and a full sized bed covered in a hand sewn quilt along the other. There was a small table in the middle of the room and Hillary set her bag down on it before starting to empty its contents. As she set up everything to eat, Billy went around the room lighting the candles on each surface to give the room some light. When finished, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her slim waist.

“This is amazing,” he murmured against the skin of her neck. She turned around in his arms and their eyes locked. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” she answered before moving to press her lips against his. She pulled away and moved them to the table where she had set out a small amount of food. Neither ate very much, both trembling with anticipation of what was to come. Billy finally decided to put a stop to it and stood up, reaching his hand out to her.

“Dance with me,” he said.

“But there's no music, silly!” she laughed but stood all the same and allowed her body to be wrapped up in his arms. Soon they were swaying to an unheard melody that they both seemed to know the beat to. Billy lowered his head to her ear and softly sang one of her favorite songs.

 

_Wise men say_   
_Only fools rush in_   
_But I can’t help falling in love_   
_Should I stay?_   
_Would it be a sin?_   
_If I can’t help falling in love_

 

Their swaying moved them closer to the bed along the wall and soon they were standing beside it. They paused for a moment unsure of what the other wanted until Hillary made the first move and reached for the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head. Billy followed her lead and began unbuttoning the front of her blouse before slipping it over her freckle-covered shoulders. His breath hitched when he saw the purple lacy bra that she was wearing.

Slowly and tentatively they undressed each other letting hands caress places they had never been and lips touch new, sensitive spots that were logged into their minds for the future. Once bare, they climbed onto the bed and continued their explorations, discovering what it felt like to be as close as possible to another human being both emotionally and finally physically as well. Coming down from their emotional high would not come any time soon.

They were wrapped up in each other’s arms, sweaty limbs twisted together, their mouths still connected in a heated kiss. Hillary happened to look up when she had sat up to climb onto Billy’s lap when she saw the clock. Somewhere in the fogginess of her mind she was able to pull out the fact that her mother had asked her to help set up for dinner which was supposed to start in just over an hour.

“Oh no!” she cried and jumped off of Billy and out of the bed. He watched her naked body move around the cabin, picking up her clothes. “We have to get back,” she explained. “My mother was planning this big dinner and she wanted me to help and we have a long hike back.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said as he stood and gathered her in his arms. He held her for a moment before realizing it probably wasn’t the best idea with both being completely naked and no time to do anything more about it. He regretfully pulled away and they began to get dressed. They blew out all the candles and cleaned up as much as they could before starting on their way back. They kissed once more before coming out of the woods and taking off in different directions.

Hillary noticed that her father’s car, her Uncle Willard’s truck and a few other cars she didn’t recognize were pulled near her house when they finally got back and she knew she was going to be in trouble. She snuck around the front of the house in order to avoid walking through the kitchen for her mother to catch her again. When she came around the side of the porch, she stopped when she heard voices in deep conversation.

“Why don’t you like the boy?” Willard asked. “He seems like a good kid.”

“I just don’t,” Hugh grumbled. “I don’t want him around Hillary and soon he won’t be.”

That caught her ear. Hillary had turned to head in the other direction to take her chances getting found out by her mother when she heard this. What were they talking about, she wondered.

“Poor kids,” Willard said. He had remembered the one woman he fell in love with when he returned from college and began his work as an engineer. He hadn’t moved quickly enough and lost his chance and the love of his life. He had seen those two kids together and knew that they had more than just kid feelings for one another.

“She’ll get over it. Once they leave for Arkansas she can finally focus on her schoolwork. Her grades are decent now but they could be better.”

“She’s a straight A student,” Hillary heard her uncle say and then didn’t hear anything else. She fought to keep any noise from coming out of her mouth when she started to cry. She took off running around the house and through the kitchen without stopping even though she thought she heard her mother calling her. She slammed the door to the bathroom and her knees immediately hit the floor in front of the toilet, afraid she was going to be sick. There was a knock at the door a moment later that didn’t even register in her mind.

“Honey, what’s happened?” her mother asked when she walked through the door before she knelt down on the floor next to her when she saw her there and pulled her hair back in case she was going to be sick. Instead, Hillary launched herself into her mother’s arms and began to weep. “What is it?”

“I don’t… I just don’t feel well,” she got out between sobs.

“Oh, sweetheart,” she said against her daughter’s head as she held her shaking body against her own. “Did this just start?”

She pulled away slightly when her daughter nodded and reached to grab a washcloth before wetting it and placing it on the back of Hillary’s neck. Running her hand across her forehead, she noticed she was a little warm but it was quite warm outside. She stayed there until the girl’s tears slowed and her sobs were under control. Dorothy helped her daughter stand and guided her to her bedroom where she helped her lie down on her bed.

“I don’t want to leave you like this,” Dorothy said when she heard both the timer and her husband yelling to tell her the timer was going off. She thought she saw her daughter stiffen at the sound of his voice but she couldn’t be sure. She stood and grabbed the small waste bucket and a box of tissues to place near the bed. “Yell if you need my help,” she said as she placed a kiss to Hillary’s clammy forehead.

Dorothy left the room and immediately heard Hillary start to cry again. She herself felt physically ill knowing that her child was in that much pain and she couldn’t do anything to help her. When she finally made it down the stairs she found her husband in the kitchen.

“What took you so long?” he asked, annoyed that he had to come in the house to turn the timer off and make sure nothing was going to burn.

“Hillary is sick,” she answered quietly. “She ran in here a little while ago and went right into the bathroom. I found her on the floor.”

“She okay?”

“I think she’ll be okay. I’m going to check on her throughout the night. I just want to stay with her and make sure she’s alright but we have all these people coming over,” Dorothy explained.

“She’s a big girl. She’ll be fine,” Hugh said before heading back out to the porch.

Annoyed that her husband was being so cold made her wish that this evening would go by quickly. Her wish mostly came true. Everyone arrived on time and the tables were set just right. Dorothy went up to check on Hillary every half hour and she finally found that she had cried herself to sleep. When the Clinton family arrived, Dorothy could tell that Billy’s eyes were scanning the area for his girlfriend.

“Where’s Hillary?” he asked Dorothy quietly as to not draw her husband’s attention.

“She’s not feeling well,” she answered. “I haven’t checked on her in a little while.”

“I can check on her,” Billy offered but was cut off by Hugh.

“Her mother will check on her!” he growled, making everyone at the table stop and look in their direction.

“Yes, sir,” Billy replied softly.

Dorothy glared at her husband before standing and leaving the table. She gave Billy a look as if to say she was sorry and went into the house. When she opened her daughter’s door, the girl was still sleeping. She sat down on the edge of the bed and ran her hand over Hillary’s forehead and watched as brilliant blue eyes began to flutter open.

“How are you feeling?” she asked. Hillary mumbled something unintelligible and her mother prodded her a bit more. “Billy is down there asking for you.”

She knew there was something wrong when she didn’t even get a response with that. While she wasn’t the typical ‘boy-crazy’ teenage girl, she was crazy about her boy and always jumped at the chance to see him. She finally kissed her daughter’s cheek once more and let her go back to sleep. When she returned to the table she gave Billy a sad shake of the head letting him know that she wouldn’t be down and he sat quietly until it was polite to ask to be excused.

Billy didn’t really know what to think. He knew that Hillary had been upset when they had to end their time at the cabin but maybe she was upset about something else. Maybe she was upset that they had moved forward in their relationship. Maybe she was regretting her decision to consummate their love. He lie awake that whole night just letting these thoughts spiral out of control and finally letting a few tears fall when thinking that he may be right. Maybe Hillary really didn’t love him after all.

The next morning took a lot to coax them both out of bed. Dorothy brought a glass of water and some aspirin to Hillary, knowing that a night of crying would only lead to a day with a headache. Virginia was surprised when her son, who was usually up with the sun, was nowhere to be found even after breakfast. She practically pushed him out the door and made him watch his little brother just to get him outside.

A few hours later Billy saw Hillary emerge from her house and he knew he had to talk to her. He needed to know what was wrong. He walked over to the porch and climbed the stairs to where she was, sitting down next to her on the wicker chair that she didn’t quite fill. She looked at him and immediately her tears began to fall again. Billy wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to cry her silent tears until she would tell him what was wrong.

Without a word, she stood and extended her hand to his. Billy quickly grabbed it and let her lead him down the stairs to a path into the woods. They walked in silence for quite a while until Billy couldn't take it any longer. He was about to say something, anything to break quiet when Hillary stopped in her tracks.

“This used to be an old amusement park,” she said, pointing at the area in front of them.

Billy hadn't been paying attention to anything other than Hillary and was surprised to see that it did indeed look like an abandoned park. There was a pavilion over towards the water, a large concrete slab that looked like it had the remaining pieces of an old merry-go-round that was tilted and lain on its side and at the far end of the clearing there was an old broken down ferris wheel. Most of the pipes and pieces were scattered around its base and a few seats were strewn about, a couple placed next to one another facing the water. Along the water’s edge was an old fashioned steamboat that he hoped was never put in the water again as surely it would sink.

“How long ago did it close?” he asked.

“Some time in the late ‘30’s. There used to be a trolley that you could take all the way from Scranton for 45 cents. They had all kinds of games and rides. And the dance pavilion,” she explained and pointed to the pavilion across the way. He could tell by the way she was talking that something was wrong but he didn’t want to push her. He didn’t want to speed up to the moment when he knew his heart would be broken.

She pulled on his hand once more and they walked along the water. It was a beautiful area even having been uncared for for what looked like decades. The old steamboat was fascinating up close and had circumstances been different, he would have loved to check it out more closely. His grandfather would have loved to see it. But they walked past it and came to the ferris wheel seats lined up to face the water. Billy watched as Hillary climbed right up, him following her without letting go of her hand. He was surprised when she curled her body up against his, tucking her legs underneath her herself.

“Has anyone told you the story of how this lake got its name?” Hillary asked. When he told her they hadn’t, she continued. “There was an Indian princess named Winola and she fell in love with a white captive. Her father forbade her from being with her love. One day she was looking at her reflection and saw an image of her father with her lover’s scalp. She threw herself into the water to never surface again.”

Billy listened to her story and knew this was it. This was the moment she was going to tell him that she regretted making love yesterday and that she didn’t love him. This was the moment all his plans for the future were going to be shattered. His dream about making Hillary his wife and raising their children, possibly coming back to this very place with their grandchildren decades from now was about to go up in smoke.

“Hillary…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, cutting him off. He was puzzled by the question. He didn’t know what she was talking about and pulled back slightly to look at her. Hillary sat up and met his gaze and for a moment she thought she saw confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me you were moving?”

“What are you talkin’ about?” he asked. Now he was really confused.

“You’re moving to Arkansas. Why wouldn’t you tell me before we…”

“I’m not moving. I don’t know where you got that idea from, Hillary, but I’m not leaving you,” Billy said firmly.

“I heard my father talking to my uncle about how you’d be out of my life soon because you’d be in Arkansas. Please tell me that he’s wrong. Please,” she pleaded as her eyes filled with tears again.

Seeing the pain in her eyes, he suddenly felt tears spring to his own. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and holding tightly. Rubbing his hands up and down her back, he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he replied and moved his face down to hers to claim her lips. “I love you,” he murmured against her lips when they separated for a moment before kissing her again, this time deepening the kiss.

They sat on that old ferris wheel seat for quite a while kissing and holding each other. Hillary played with his hands while he simply watched her. He suddenly remember something that he had in his pocket and pulled one hand away to reach for it. Hillary looked up to him and didn’t notice what he was doing until she felt something on her right hand. When she looked down, she noticed the new piece of jewelry that adorned her hand. The small band had tiny diamonds embedded in the white gold.

“I was going to wait for your birthday to give it to you and then when Mother told me we were coming here, I knew I had to bring it. It’s a promise ring,” he explained. “I promise to always love you.”

“I love you, too,” Hillary said as she continued to admire the ring. With a smile on her face, she looked up and pressed her lips against his again. “I love it. Thank you.” 

They stayed there for a little longer until they realized it was getting late. They reluctantly got out of the seat and made their way back to their cottages, hand-in-hand. They walked slowly, trying to take in as much time as possible. Even though Billy had assured Hillary that he wasn’t moving, he and his family were supposed to head back to Illinois the following day while Hillary and her family stayed another couple of weeks. When they returned they noticed that Billy’s stepfather was loading their car and his mother and both Hillary’s mother and father seemed to be waiting for them.

“What’s going on?” Billy asked, obviously picking up on the tension in the air. Roger continued to pack the car while the three others looked at him solemnly.

“Well,” Virginia started and then looked to Dorothy. “Why don’t we all sit down over here?” she motioned and the kids took a seat at the picnic table.

“Mom?” Hillary looked to her mother to ask what was going on but her mother slowly shook her head. She watched as her mother looked to Virginia as if to prod her along.

“Billy, Roger has been offered a new job,” Virginia said. Seeing the confused look on his face, she continued. “In Arkansas. Sweetie we’re moving home!”

They all sat still for a moment before Hillary’s cries broke silence. She stood up so quickly that she tripped over the bench and fell to the ground. Billy tried to get up and help her but she was on her feet before he could and she took off running towards the cottage. When he made a motion to follow her, Hugh stood up and made it clear that he was not to go into their cottage. Dorothy watched the silent exchange briefly before she ran after her daughter.

“I don’t want to move,” Billy told his mother.

“Honey, don’t be like that. It will be fun! You’ll be back home in Arkansas, you’ll be in the same school as Vince,” his mother explained but he wasn’t having it.

“I don’t care. How could you not tell me about this?”

“William, it was a decision your father and I made as adults. When you’re an adult you can choose where you want to live but until then you do as I say. Now go pack your things, we’re leaving soon,” Virginia said.

“Soon? I thought we weren’t leaving until tomorrow!” Billy cried. He was fighting so hard for the tears in his eyes to not fall. He would not cry in front of her father, a man who never wanted him to have anything to do with Hillary. But he couldn’t help it. An hour ago he had promised Hillary that he wouldn’t leave her and now he was doing just that. He kicked the leg of the table on his way into the cottage.

Inside the Rodham cottage, things weren’t going any better. Dorothy had climbed into bed with her inconsolable daughter. Heavy sobs and tears that wouldn’t stop flowing. Every time she tried to stop and talk to her mother, the tears started again and another round of sobs ensued. Dorothy felt horrible for what Hillary was going through but for also agreeing with Virginia to not tell the kids beforehand.

“I… I lo...love… him,” she cried.

“I know you do, sweetie. I’m so sorry,” Dorothy said soothingly. “But you can still write and talk on the phone. Honey, I know how much you two love one another. You’ll make it work.”

Hillary finally settled down and curled her body up against her mother’s. Even though she was going to be sixteen in a few months she realized that she still needed her mother more than she ever thought she would. Her mother was her rock, the one person she could always turn to and the one person who would always push her to her full potential. She was also the one person she could tell anything to and knew she would be understood. The one person other than Billy.

“Honey, I know you’re upset but I think they’re leaving soon. I know you would be more upset if you didn’t get a chance to say goodbye.”

Hillary nodded her head and they both climbed out of the bed and made their way outside again. Billy was bringing a bag out to the car when he saw her and immediately dropped the bag to run to her. He swept her up into his arms and held on for dear life. Dorothy stepped aside to give the two some space when Hugh looked like he was about to intervene. She grabbed his arm before he could make his way too far.

“Leave them alone,” she hissed and pulled him with her to allow the young couple some privacy.

“I love you, so much,” Billy whispered into her ear. “I’m going to miss you. But I’m going to call you as much as your father allows me to, I’m going to write to you all the time and I’m going to come see you every chance I get.”

“I love you, too,” Hillary replied through her new tears. Not caring that their parents were standing next to them, she ran her hand through his hair and pulled his head down for a kiss. While it wasn’t their most heated kiss it was too heated for her father and he moved away from his wife to grab his daughter by the arm and pulled her away from her boyfriend.

“That’s enough. Get in the car,” Hugh growled.

Hillary glared at her father and yanked her arm away from him. She looked to Billy again and grabbed his hand to walk towards the car. They stood beside it and waited while his family all piled in. They wrapped their arms around each one last time before they heard Billy’s stepfather say they needed to leave.

“I’ll call you when we get there,” Billy said. He picked up her right hand and kissed the ring he had placed there just hours before. “I meant it. I promise to always love you.”

“And I promise to always love you,” Hillary said and kissed him one last time before he climbed into the car. She held his hand through the window until his stepfather started to drive.

Staring at the car until it was out of sight, she wrapped her arms around herself and doubled over as if in pain. Her mother rushed to her side and pulled Hillary into her arms to let her cry again. She had a feeling she was going to be doing this quite often for some time.


	5. Chapter 5

Late Summer 1963

 

The air was still hot and thick when they packed up their Cadillac to make the long trip back to Illinois from Pennsylvania, though this time the children sat in silence almost the whole way. The boys didn’t bicker or fight at all in worry that they would upset their sister. The last few weeks had been touch and go with Hillary’s emotions and no one knew what would set her off in fits of anger or worse, desperate tears. What worried them most was when she wouldn’t have anything to say about a topic she was usually quite passionate about.

Their remaining time at Lake Winola had been hard for everyone in the family. The boys tried to avoid their sister as much as possible, which wasn’t hard because she barely left her room. And when she did, she would either sit by the water alone or go on a hike by herself. Her mother didn’t like the idea of Hillary going off into the woods by herself but she also knew that her daughter needed space and she knew her way around the land well enough. Hillary refused to speak with her father more than was necessary but she did have a few long conversations with her grandfather when he made his way out to the lake. 

Her mother had watched as every day that the phone didn’t ring or she didn’t get a letter was harder than the last. She could tell that the girl wasn’t sleeping very well and watched as she pushed her food around on her plate. Dorothy had hoped that getting back to Park Ridge and her other friends would help her but as the days went on, she wasn’t so sure that was going to happen. 

When they reached their home, everyone jumped out and Hillary climbed out slowly only to grab a few bags and lock herself in her bedroom. A few hours later, once everyone had unpacked and was off to bed, her mother decided to check on her. Dorothy knocked on the door softly and opened it when she didn’t get a reply. She found Hillary curled up asleep on her bed, wearing Billy’s sweatshirt and a pile of tissues on scattered on the floor. Once again she cleaned up the floor, set a glass of water and some aspirin on her nightstand and let her be.

It had been over a month since Billy left for Arkansas and they had only spoken a handful of times, each leaving Hillary a little more distraught. They would talk until her father would tell her she needed to hang up or he would do it for her, driving the wedge between father and daughter ever more deep. And that was when he even allowed them to speak at all. There were many times that Billy would call and Hugh would simply tell him that Hillary wasn’t available even if she was in the next room. 

The next morning took Dorothy going up to coax her daughter out of bed. She had wanted to take her shopping for new school clothes and supplies but all Hillary wanted to do was shut the world out. It was truly heartbreaking for her mother to watch. That's why she was quite relieved when there was a knock at the front door and once opened, Betsy Johnson was standing on the other side. Maybe she could help Hillary, she thought.

“Good morning, Mrs. Rodham. Is Hillary here?” Betsy asked from the front step. Dorothy greeted her and motioned for her to come inside. 

“I have to tell you, Hillary is very upset,” she began and could see the hurt on the other girl’s face. “Billy and his family moved to Arkansas and she's only spoken to him a few times since he left.”

“Oh gosh,” Betsy gasped. “Can I go up?” she asked urgently. When Dorothy nodded her approval, she took off running up the stairs. She knocked lightly on the door before opening it. “Hill?” she called. 

Betsy made her way into her best friend’s darkened room and sat down on the bed next to her. She could see that Hillary was awake but she didn't make any movement to acknowledge another presence in the room. Betsy reached to brush the hair out of her face and Hillary finally turned to her. 

“Hey,” Betsy said tentatively. When there was no reply she continued. “Your mom told me…”

She didn't finish her statement because Hillary’s faced immediately began to scrunch up and tears welled in her eyes. Betsy moved to lie down on the bed and wrapped her arms around her best friend. Hillary continued to cry for a good while with Betsy trying to talk to her and calm her down. But Betsy knew there was nothing that would calm her down any time soon. She had seen the relationship build between Hillary and Billy and knew that her best friend was devastated.       

“What happened?” Betsy finally asked when Hillary stopped crying.

“Roger got a new job. That man has put Billy and his mother through hell but they still moved there with him.” 

Betsy watched her best friend. She sounded like she wanted to be angry but deep down she knew that she was simply hurting. Not simply, deeply hurting. She reached for Hillary's hand and felt the small band that was wrapped around her ring finger. Running her thumb over the diamonds brought Hillary's attention to it. 

“It was a promise ring. He promised to always love me but it seems like always isn't that long,” Hillary said before a new batch of silent tears made their way down her face. “We…”

When Hillary cut herself off quickly, Betsy pulled away so she could get a better look at her friend. They had spoken before about how far each had gone in their relationships. Betsy and her boyfriend were barely beyond handholding but she knew that Billy and Hillary had moved well past that. She knew about the time they had been alone at Billy’s and almost made love. Looking at Hillary now she knew that they had. 

“Really?” she asked. When Hillary nodded her head sadly she asked more. “What was it like?” 

“It was wonderful,” Hillary replied after thinking about it for a moment. “It hurt a little but it was worth it. I cried. He cried.”  

“Did you use protection?” Betsy asked suddenly. The question caught Hillary off guard and she hadn't realized that she didn't even think about that. She didn't even think to mention it they were so caught up in each other.     

“Of course,” Hillary lied. “Of course we did.” 

“Okay, good.” 

Hillary spoke with Betsy about everything from the summer. How they had had such a wonderful time the whole week until Billy's mother had told them about the move. She even told Betsy that she heard her father talking about how much he didn't want Billy in her life. She hadn't told her mother about that and Dorothy was still convinced that Hillary had just been sick that night at the lake. She had always felt that her father didn't like Billy but he had never voiced it before. 

When dinner time came Betsy left for home and the Rodham family gathered around the table for their meal. After they said Grace, Hillary snatched her hand away from her father’s quickly and let it rest on her thigh. Hugh had yet to notice the ring on her hand and she wanted to keep it that way. Dorothy watched them and her heart hurt knowing that their relationship was still so strained. 

The next day Hillary couldn’t get her conversation with Betsy out of her head. When she had planned their trip to the cabin she hadn’t even thought to bring condoms, not that she had any. She thought that maybe they were okay. It was their first time and they only did it once. Well, twice, she thought. Running her hand through her hair she noticed the calendar. It had been five weeks and she just realized she hadn’t had her period since. The calendar was also a reminder that Billy’s birthday was last week and she hadn’t spoken to him in two.

She shouldn’t panic. Hillary knew that things like stress could cause a woman’s cycle to be off and she had been quite upset and stressed lately. She also knew that her cycle was like clockwork and was never off no matter how stressed or sick she was. The more she thought about it the more worked up she got and before she knew it she was kneeling before the toilet emptying whatever contents were in her stomach.

Now this was all she could think about. She cleaned herself up and tried to think of what to do. She couldn’t just call her doctor to have a pregnancy test done, her doctor was a pediatrician. Hillary also didn’t want her parents to know that she even thought there was a possibility that she was pregnant. She didn’t want to tell them that she and Billy had been intimate.

Hillary made her way down stairs and was relieved that her mother wasn’t in the kitchen. She pulled the phone book out of the drawer near the phone and looked for the address for the clinic she knew was in downtown Chicago that could help her. Sneaking out of her house, she walked to the bus stop and nervously made her way into the city. It was a trip that she had made several times but this time felt more like taking a trip to the executioners, or at least it will be if her father finds out.     

She felt the bus halt and looked out to see she was at her stop. With shaky legs, she stood and walked to the front of the bus and stepped onto the street. She looked around for the address she needed and realized it was down an alleyway and slowly walked to the door of the Planned Parenthood clinic, pushing it open tentatively. The lobby was small and occupied by only two other women. She paused at the door and the receptionist noticed she was there and stood to approach her.    

“Are you okay, honey?” the woman asked. When she noticed the terrified look on Hillary’s face she understood exactly why she was there. “Why don’t you come over here and we can get you in to see a doctor, okay?” 

Hillary simply nodded her head and followed the woman into another room where she was handed a clipboard and asked to sit down. She stared at the paperwork and slowly took the pen to begin filling it out. She couldn’t stop the tears that came to her eyes when she got to the question of when her last period was. This was real, this was happening.   

Hillary was so focused on her forms and trying to dry her tears that she didn’t even notice the door opening and a woman doctor walk in. This gave her time to observe the young girl that was seated in her exam room. The doctor noted that she was well dressed, obviously from a middle class family and she looked terrified. There were only a few reasons girls like this came into her office and she knew right away the reason for this girl. 

“Hello,” she said softly as not to scare the girl. Hillary still whipped her head up and quickly tried to wipe her tears away. “I’m Dr. Kelsey Becker,” the doctor said, extending her hand to Hillary.

“Hill… Hillary Rodham,” she replied in a shaky voice before grabbing the doctor’s hand to shake it. Once the formalities were past, Kelsey grabbed her stool from under the desk and rolled it to where she could sit in front of Hillary.

“It’s nice to meet you, Hillary. How are you?” And that's all it took. The floodgates opened and neither knew if they were going to be able to close them. Hillary started sobbing uncontrollably and spilling her heart to the doctor, this stranger that seemed to be the only person she could talk to right now.

“I’m so stupid I didn’t even think about getting pregnant. I was too focused on finally being with him and now he’s gone. And I can’t talk to him,” she continued to cry.

“Alright, honey,” the doctor said, trying to soothe her. “How about we talk a little bit about why you’re here?” When Hillary nodded her head, Kelsey began to ask her about her medical history and why she thought she may be pregnant. “When was the last time you were sexually active?”

“It it July seventeenth. Five weeks ago. I know that it was wrong, I know that we should have waited but we love each other. Or at least… I love him. I haven’t spoken to him in over two weeks,” Hillary said softly.         

“Why haven’t you spoken to him?” Kelsey asked. She could tell that her patient was very upset at that fact. She would also be upset if it were her and she had given her virginity to a boy who then stopped talking to her.

“He moved with his family to Arkansas.”

“Is that why…”

“No,” Hillary cut off the question before she could finish it. “It was before we found out he was moving.”

“Okay,” Kelsey replied. She was beginning to understand this young woman a little better the more she opened up about her relationship with her boyfriend but also her relationship with her parents. She had a feeling that only one of her parents would be there for moral support or otherwise. She had Hillary get up on the exam table to take a look at her and called in a nurse to get a blood sample.

Kelsey always knew she wanted to be a doctor and patients like Hillary were her main reason for wanting that. She had to fight in order to go to college because it was still frowned upon for women to go into a man’s field but this was her passion. She needed to help people and working at Planned Parenthood she felt like she was, especially scared young girls like the one in front of her.

They were so caught up in talking that they hadn’t noticed how much time had passed until the nurse came back with her bloodwork. She handed the papers to the doctor and left as silently as she had come in. Kelsey looked over the values that confirmed what she already knew. This girl, this fifteen year old straight A student was going to have a baby when she wasn’t much more than a baby herself. In her mind she knew that the girl had no one to blame but herself but she also blamed schools and society for not making sex or sex education more readily available. 

She could feel Hillary watching her and looked up to see the terrified look had returned to her face. When Kelsey nodded softly, the girl broke down again and all she could do was watch and offer words of comfort that weren’t really that comforting at all. Hillary was mumbling about how to tell her parents, how to tell her boyfriend, what she was going to do with a baby. This girl’s whole life was going to change because she wanted to know what it felt like to be an adult, to be loved like an adult. This thing is now she had to face the consequences, like an adult.

Hillary finally settled down enough for them to discuss what she could do, not that any of it actually registered in her brain. The doctor went over what she would need to do if she were to carry the child to term and what she would need to do if she chose not to. At the mention of possibly not having the baby, she felt even worse than when she found out there even was a baby. There was so much discussion lately about what a woman could do during her pregnancy and while Hillary felt that every woman should have her own say, there was no way she could not have the baby that she had created with Billy. 

She left the appointment with more questions than answers. Slowly making her way back on the bus she was in such a daze that she almost missed her stop. Hillary said a silent prayer when she noticed that her father’s car wasn’t in the drive yet. Maybe she could talk to her mother first and they could come up with a way of telling her father that didn’t end with him driving to Arkansas and killing Billy. Then the discussion she had with her mother just a few days before she and Billy made love came into her mind. Dorothy had told her daughter how much she trusted her and now Hillary was breaking that trust. She felt she was going to disappoint her mother more than anger her father and that broke her heart.

“Where have you been?” her mother asked in a concerned voice as soon as Hillary walked through the door. When she saw the look on Hillary’s face that she only got when she knew she was going to be in trouble, Dorothy knew something horrible was about to happen. She walked into the kitchen and sat down with Hillary following behind her but choosing to stay standing.

“Mom… I um… I have to tell you… something,” Hillary finally got out. 

“What is it, Hillary?” her mother prodded. 

“I’m… I’m so sorry,” she said through tears that had suddenly started to fall. She ran her hands along her skirt and knew she had to do it. She had to tell her mother that she was pregnant when her mother had so much faith in the fact that she was a good girl, a smart girl who wouldn’t get herself into a mess like this.

“Honey, what…”

“I’m pregnant!” Hillary blurted out and realized that she hadn’t actually said the words out loud yet. The minute the words crossed her lips she dropped to her knees in front of her mother as if to ask forgiveness. She wept into her mother’s lap all the while Dorothy sat stunned. Her daughter; her beautiful, smart, determined daughter. Her fifteen year old daughter was pregnant. For a moment she flashed back to her own teenage parents. They weren’t ready to have her and she knew for a fact that her daughter was not ready to have a child that depended on her.

Hillary’s heart started to race a bit more when she heard her father’s car. She pulled away from her mother and stood on shaky legs to wait for the door to open. Looking to her mother for guidance, she saw none as Dorothy stared at the door knowing the inevitable was about the happen. She thought about all the times Hugh had said he didn’t trust Billy with their daughter. All the times he said he didn’t want them together because he didn’t want Hillary to ruin her life. All of those times were about to come right back at her and one big ‘I told you so’ and it would be at their daughter’s expense.

The door opened to her father’s usual grumblings. Whether it was traffic or the train was late or it was too loud, Hugh always found something to complain about. He tossed his briefcase on the bench just inside the front door and walked the hallway to the kitchen. When he entered though, he found his wife looking very pale and his daughter in tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Hugh saw the look pass between mother and daughter and knew something was seriously wrong. 

“Daddy…”

“Hillary Diane,” Dorothy cut her off. “You did this, own it.”

Hugh watched Hillary’s head fall. Her tears started to fall faster and he could only think that something had happened about school. He knew that she was trying to take advance courses in a few weeks and maybe she didn’t get in. That was the only thing he would allow his mind to think of when he saw his daughter this upset.

“Dad… I… um… I’m…” she stammered and couldn’t get the words out.

“What? Dorothy, what’s going on?” he asked his wife who only shook her head. “Hillary?”   

“I’m… I’m pregnant,” she said softly. But she could have said it in sign language and it would have been like megaphone to the face. 

Hillary watched her father for a moment not knowing what he was going to do. At first he showed no emotion, face as immobile as ever. She saw his hands begin to twitch a little and he clenched and unclenched his fists. His eyes began to blink quickly and his breathing became heavier. Hillary nervously stood her ground when he cleared the distance between them in two large strides. His hand came up and made contact with her cheek so quickly that she didn’t even have time to react and the surprise and force sent her to the floor holding her hand to her face.

“Hugh!” Dorothy called but then saw him pulling his hand back to strike their daughter again. She grabbed his arm and spun him around so he wasn’t facing Hillary and helped the girl up off the floor. She noticed the blood coming from Hillary’s mouth and held a dishtowel to her face. “Don’t touch her again!”  

“Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t do to my own daughter!” Hugh yelled back and made to move towards them when Dorothy put herself between her husband and her daughter. “You’re not having it!”

“Stop it!” Dorothy yelled back. She didn’t usually raise her voice to her husband but this was something she was willing to fight him on. 

“No. She’s not having it. I don’t care who I have to find to get rid of it but you’re not having it!” he continued to yell. Hillary was still crying and holding her face. Her cheek had begun to swell and her pale skin would soon show the telltale sign of the trauma it had received.

“You can’t do that. You’d just as well be sending her to her death. Women die all the time from having abortions because they aren’t able to have them in a clinic. You can’t do that to her!” Dorothy fought back. Yes, she was extremely disappointed in her daughter and very angry with her but she would never make her do something that would cause more damage.

“I don’t care!”

“Stop it! You do care and you’re not going to make her do that,” she argued. “Once you’ve calmed down, we can talk about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. If she has it, she’s not keeping it,” Hugh said firmly. “I will not have that lowlife ruin your life.” 

“But…” Hillary was about to cut in when her mother shot her a sharp look. Her father was pacing now but still on the other side of the room. Her mother was still standing as a human shield between the two of them.

“They have those homes,” Hugh said as if thinking outloud. “Those homes where girls in trouble go and come back as if nothing happened. I read an article about them a few months ago. You’ll go there.”

“Hugh…” Dorothy warned and watched as he turned his attention back to their daughter. She still didn’t trust him to get close to her.

“You’ve messed up big time, young lady. You are to tell no one about this. Not Betsy or Kathleen and you will not tell Billy. Do you understand me?” he asked. When she nodded her head, he continued. “You’ll tell them there’s a family emergency. You’re going to spend the school year in Pennsylvania with your Grandpa.”

With that he stormed off. Hillary stood there shocked. She didn’t know what had just happened. Her father went from zero to sixty and then back again in a matter of minutes. She turned to her mother and the disappointment she felt towards her was palpable. She knew she had let her parents down but her mother especially.

“Mom…”

“Hillary, I’m extremely disappointed in you. I trusted you and you’ve broken that trust. I would like to trust you again but you have to earn it back. I love you more than anything, you know that, and that will never change. But there are some times that I don’t like you very much. This is one of those times,” Dorothy said as she reached into the freezer to grab a bag of frozen vegetables. She wrapped them in the dishtowel and pressed them to her daughter’s cheek, making her wince from both the pain and the coldness of the bag and of her mother. Hillary’s heart fell when her mother didn’t even show any sign of sympathy at her wince when she was always so tender with her when she was hurt.

“I’m sorry,” she said through tears.

“You’re only sorry that you’re in trouble, not about what you did in the first place.”

Hillary watched her mother walk away from her and never felt more alone in her life. She didn’t have Billy, she couldn’t talk to Betsy about everything and now her mother, her rock, would not be there for her. She waited until she heard the doors to the den and her parents’ bedroom close before she reached for the phone. She dialed the number she had memorized weeks ago and prayed that this time Billy would pick up.

“Hello?” a heavily accented voice called over the line. It was Virginia.

“Is Billy there?” Hillary asked.

“I’m sorry, he’s out with his girlfriend. Can I tell him who called?” Virginia asked. She knew full well that it was Hillary on the other end of the call but she wanted the girl to stop calling and leave Billy alone.

“No… um no, thank you,” Hillary stammered before she abruptly hung up the phone. She pulled her hand away as if she had been burned. If she felt alone before, she felt empty now. He had moved on when she was stuck with a permanent reminder.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I may have lost some people with the last chapter and I hope that's not the case. I know it's a touchy subject and I don't mean to offend anyone.

First Day of Spring 1964  
  
The weatherman was talking endlessly about how beautiful to first day of spring was supposed to be. There’s sunshine on the way, flowers to bloom and birds to start chirping in the trees. The spring equinox was upon them and with it the better weather and longer days. Looking out the window today though, you could be fooled that it wasn’t still the middle of winter. Flurries fell from the sky to gather below, blanketing the grounds in white. Hillary sat staring out the window watching as it accumulated, silently rubbing her hand over her very swollen abdomen.  
  
_“What do you mean you’re not going to be in school this year?” Betsy cried. “It’s our last year at Maine East!”_  
  
_Hillary felt awful. She had just fed her best friend the lie that her father was making her tell. Her grandfather was sick and they wanted someone to go help her Uncle Willard take care of him. Her mother had been furious the night they discussed the plan but knew they had no other options. They had found a maternity home outside of Chicago run by the Catholic church that regularly had girls Hillary’s age so they were equipped to keep the girls up to date on their schooling. Telling Betsy that they weren’t going to be in school together reminded her of just how much she was going to lose._  
  
_“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “It’s not like I want to go. I’ll be in Pennsylvania and you’ll be here with Kathleen and Judy and everyone else. I was really hoping to run for student council this year.” She watched her friend take in what she had just said and there was a look on her face that Hillary couldn’t quite read._  
  
_“What about Billy?” she asked._  
  
_“What about him?” Hillary countered._  
  
_“Have you told him you’re leaving?”_  
  
_The phone call from the other night came back into Hillary’s mind. His mother saying he was out with his girlfriend nearly ripped her heart out of her chest. She had hung up the phone and ran to her room in tears. Soon after her mother found her on the floor of the bathroom when she had gotten so upset she had made herself sick. She had waited a few days to see Betsy so the swelling on her cheek would go down enough that her mother could cover the discoloration with some foundation._  
  
_“No…” she whispered. “It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s not here so it won’t matter that I’m not here either.”_  
  
_Betsy continued to watch her curiously. HIllary noticed the look and wondered if she suspected anything. Could she tell that something was different? She had told Betsy they used protection but maybe her friend could see through her lie._  
  
_“Okay,” Betsy said slowly. “Can I write to you?” she asked._  
  
_Hillary was about to tell her she could until she thought about it. She wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to have any contact with anyone. She wasn’t going to be able to see anyone besides her parents once she started showing but she hadn’t asked about writing or talking on the phone. If she couldn’t talk to anyone she was going to go crazy. If she couldn’t write to her friends to keep up with their lives she would be lost next year when she came back._  
  
_“I can ask my parents if I can give you the address,” she answered and Betsy nodded her head as if pleased with the response._  
  
_They continued walking to the store when suddenly it hit Hillary. She could write Billy a letter. She would write him a letter and explain everything. This way she would know that he would get it and she wouldn’t feel guilty about keeping such a secret from him even if neither of them could do anything about it. Or at least not feel like she wasn’t able to tell the most important person in her life about one of the biggest and hardest events in her life._  
  
_Hillary felt only a little guilty when she and Betsy finished at the store and she told her friend she had to get home to pack. She would see Betsy before she left the following week so that made her feel a little better. So she rushed home and ran up the stairs to her room to pull out her special stationary that she only used to write to Billy. They would write letter when they were away from each other when he still lived there so she continued when he moved, although the last few letters had gone unanswered. She tried to not think about the fact that his mother told her that he had a new girlfriend and put her pen to the paper._  
  
_She started by writing about how much she missed him. How much she missed his presence in her life every day. She wrote how much she loved him, more than anything in the world, and how hard the last few weeks had been. She told him about her conversation with Betsy and apologized for not even thinking about protection when they went to that cabin. Hillary then described her trip into Chicago to go to Planned Parenthood and added a side note about how she would like to help an organization like that one day. When she finally wrote that she was pregnant, Hillary wasn’t sure how to follow that. It was the point of the letter but what could he or she do about the fact now? She wrote that her father was sending her away and taking her baby, their baby, from her and they’ll never see him again. Her tears wrinkled the page so she concluded by telling him how much she loved both of them and that she hopes one day the three of them will be reunited._  
  
Hillary thought about that letter. She wondered if Billy read it and what he thought. She wanted to know how he felt about that fact that they were having a baby. A baby that they would have no part in raising, in loving, in seeing the person that he or she will become. Her hand moved lower and as if on cue, she felt a strong kick against her palm. The baby knew she was thinking about him.  
  
“How are you feeling this morning, Hillary?”  
  
“Tired. But well. Thank you, Sister Kathryn,” Hillary replied as she turned to the young nun who had been with her every step of the way. She had helped Hillary calm down when they had to pull her away from her mother as they clung to each other for dear life the day she was dropped off. She had helped her through her first few months of terrible morning sickness that drained all her strength. She had held her hand the first time the doctor allowed her to hear the baby’s heartbeat. She had listened to her cry about not being able to be the with people she loved most and she tried to keep her spirits up after her mother would leave from her weekly visits.  
  
“Do you feel like taking a little walk?” Sister Kathryn asked. With Hillary being so close to her due date, the doctor had suggested she take it easy. Her pregnancy, for the most part, had been uneventful. For the most part meaning aside from her terrible morning sickness and the one time when Hillary was about six months along that she started cramping and bleeding. Since then, the doctor kept a close eye on her but luckily it had only happened once.  
  
“I had wanted to go outside but I don’t think so now,” Hillary said indicating the snow accumulating on the ground. She reached her hand up for the Sister to take and she helped Hillary stand. That was the problem with being so small and pregnant with a child she was sure was going to be fifteen pounds. Once completely vertical, the young nun wrapped one arm around Hillary’s back and held her hand as they made a trip around the hallways.  
  
Hillary really couldn’t complain about her stay at the maternity home other than being away from the people she loved and not having any contact with them aside from her mother. She had made a few friends with girls her age that were there for the exact same reason so they had an understanding of one another. She was able to keep up with her school work and all her classes would be transferred back to her high school for the fall because she was going to stay and spend her recovery at the home as well.  
  
As they were walking, Hillary’s hand came up to grasp the long chain that hung from her neck. On the thin, white gold chain was her promise ring that Billy had given her. A few weeks ago her mother had found her in tears as she struggled to get the ring off of her swollen finger. They sat in the bathroom for half an hour, lathering up her hand in order to get the ring off and Dorothy had returned the following week with the chain to hang it on. While she was very disappointed in her daughter, she loved her very much and couldn’t stand the thought of Hillary being alone so she had come every week to spend time with her. It had taken a little while but mother and daughter were almost back to what their relationship was, for which both were extremely grateful.  
  
_Dorothy walked into the room that Hillary shared with another girl to find her daughter curled up on her side. She watched the girl for a moment and knew that she had been crying. The nuns had told her that Hillary had been withdrawn and quiet the last few days, only speaking when spoken to but they often heard her talking to her baby. It was something the staff advised against because they didn't want Hillary to become too attached to the baby but she felt strongly that talking to and reading to the baby was helpful to his development. They also tried to discourage her from from referring to the baby as a boy, to again prevent attachment, but Hillary did it anyway. She couldn’t not think about the baby as her baby boy._  
  
_“Hillary?” her mother called when she walked past the threshold of the room. When Hillary didn’t respond, she made her way to the bed and sat down beside her daughter. “Honey?”_  
  
_“He hasn’t called or written, has he?” Hillary asked. Dorothy knew who she was talking about and it hurt her to know her little girl was in such pain. When she shook her head, new tears started to form in her daughter’s eyes._  
  
_Dorothy wasn’t at all convinced that Billy hadn’t written or called but she had no way of knowing. Even before they found out about the baby, Hugh would try to hide letters between the two and even tell Billy that Hillary wasn’t available when she was. Dorothy even thought that may be what was happening now but she had no way of proving it. Her husband had all but stopped talking about their eldest child as if she didn’t exist anymore. Friends would ask about her and he would change the subject without even answering their question. And seeing Hillary like this made her more determined to spend as much time as she could with her._  
  
_“I thought he loved me,” Hillary cried softly._  
  
_“Oh honey, come here,” her mother said as she opened her arms for her daughter to fall into._  
  
“Is your mother coming at her usual time today?” Sister Kathryn asked as they continued their walk.  
  
“Yeah. She said she was going to bring a letter from Betsy,” Hillary replied. Instead of giving her an address for a place where she wouldn’t be, Hillary told Betsy to send the letters to her mother and her mother would get them to her. In turn, she had sent letters home with her mother to her best friend but it was hard to talk about something that you weren’t really doing. So she mainly wrote about how much she missed everyone and asked what they were all doing.  
  
They made one more lap around the corridor when Hillary saw her mother walk into the main entrance of the building. Sister Kathryn left Hillary’s side when she saw her mother approach and watched them embrace. She was so happy to see her mother there because most of the girls here didn’t see their mothers that often, if at all. Some of their fathers would come in to see them from time to time but never their mothers. But Hillary’s father never came and the day she was dropped off Sister Kathryn got a feeling that there was a complexity about their relationship that neither had figured out yet. Her father was cold, where Hillary was always warm, he was gruff where she was sweet. For those reasons, she was just as happy that he stay away. Hillary didn’t need to be made to feel less than what she was. After watching mother and daughter walk down the hall, the young nun went back to her daily charts.  
  
Dorothy had noticed a change in her daughter when she walked through the door. She was a little sad, which was normal these days but physically she looked different. She noticed that her belly had dropped and she was almost certain that she was going to be a grandmother before Easter. A grandmother that was most likely never going to even see her grandchild. Dorothy had read a lot about adoption since sending Hillary to this maternity home and most sources say that the mothers shouldn’t even see the child after it is born for fear of becoming attached. She figured that that would go for anyone related to the child but just because you weren’t supposed to become attached didn’t mean that you didn’t. Dorothy knew that Hillary read to the baby every night before she went to sleep, she would talk to the baby throughout the day and she would even try to sing to him even though she couldn’t carry a tune.  
  
“How are you feeling, sweetie?” Dorothy asked her daughter once they got back to Hillary’s room and sat down on her bed.  
  
“I’m okay. Did you bring Betsy’s letter?” she asked.  
  
Her mother handed her a small stack of letters and watched her face light up. Dorothy noticed that in recent visits, Hillary hadn’t asked anything of Billy. She hadn’t asked if he had called or written or if they had heard anything from his family. She thought it was good that her daughter was trying to not focus on something so painful but she also feared that keeping something like that bottled in would be worse going forward. As she watched Hillary read her letters, she noticed an aching look come across her face. Betsy must have asked her something about Billy.  
  
“What’s wrong?”  
  
“Hmm? Oh, it’s nothing. Betsy’s written about the school council planning a fundraiser and having a festival of sorts for the spring. It sounds like a lot of fun,” Hillary said sadly. “Next year,” she said with a sad smile on her face. She was trying to look ahead even if it was just for show. She still cried herself to sleep most nights for having missed this year with her friends and also about Billy. About how she hadn’t heard from him and how he probably had other girlfriends by now but she kept all of that inside when in front of others. It was how she was raised, to be strong and depend on no one else to make you happy other than yourself. It was just really hard at the moment with the constant reminder continually kicking her in the bladder.  
  
The rest of Dorothy’s visit was like all the rest. They spoke about how Hillary’s schooling is going, how she’s feeling and what the doctor has to say while Dorothy filled her daughter in about the goings on at home. Most of the time she would steer clear of even mentioning Hugh. Hillary hadn’t spoken to her father since she was dropped off and both seemed to be content with that. On her way out, Hillary handed her mother a letter she had written for Betsy and promised to call if anything changed.  
  
The call came a little sooner than either had anticipated. The following Saturday Hillary had started to not feel well. She thought she was just tired and the little bit of back pain was normal for being so far along in her pregnancy. She had gone to bed early only to be awoken by sharp pains in her abdomen and lower back. She had read the early signs of labor and was worried because she wasn’t due for another two weeks. With a small amount of difficulty, she got up out of bed and walked to the main nurses’ station on the floor and one young woman stood up and walked towards her.  
  
“Honey, are you okay?” she asked.  
  
“I.. um… I think I’m having the baby,” Hillary said and the rest of the women on duty jumped to their feet.  
  
“Okay,” the nurse said as she grabbed Hillary by the arm to lead her to an exam room on a lower level. “What’s going on? Has your water broken, yet?”  
  
Hillary explained her symptoms as they walked into the room where her doctor had just entered. She changed out of her nightgown into a hospital gown and, with some help, was able to get up onto the table. Her doctor confirmed that she was actually in labor but it would be several more hours before the baby was born. She immediately started to cry, suddenly everything seeming all too real.  
  
“My mom. Can someone call my mom, please? I need her,” she cried. “And Sister Kathryn? Is she here?”  
  
An hour later her mother rushed into the room followed not long after by Sister Kathryn. Dorothy held her daughter’s hand whenever she had a contraction and cried herself for not being able to take the pain away from her. She was still very early in her labor and the doctor had suggested trying to get some rest so her mother sat vigil, just waiting for any stirring she knew would be followed by cries of pain.  
  
It was well into the next morning when the doctor announced that Hillary was fully dilated and directed her to push on her next contraction. Dorothy was propped up behind her daughter, holding her hands while Sister Kathryn was assisting in the birth and would take care of the baby as soon as he was born. A full hour of pushing and a baby boy with big blue eyes and a full head of hair was born and immediately rushed out of the room.  
  
“Is he okay?” Hillary asked. “Is he?”  
  
No one would answer her simple question. All she wanted to know was that he was okay. That the baby she had grown to love more than anything was alive and well. The silence in the room was deafening until it was broken by Hillary's cries. She laid her head back on her mother's shoulders and wept as her mother wrapped her arms around her. Dorothy shed her own tears at watching her daughter lose something so precious to her.  
  
The doctor and nurses quickly and quietly cleaned her up, delivering the placenta and stitching the tears caused by the birth. Hillary hadn't said a word since they took the baby and her mother was extremely worried about her. It was like a part of her had just died and Dorothy wasn't sure if Hillary would ever recover from this. She knew how strong her daughter was but losing a child, whether to death or otherwise, was something someone never forgets.  
  
It was several hours later and Hillary still hadn't spoken to anyone. Dorothy stayed at her daughter’s bedside to provide some comfort or a shoulder to cry on but none seemed to be needed. She tried to offer food and Hillary refused. A nurse had come in several times to tell Dorothy that Hugh was calling to see when she would be home but she refused to go to the phone. She couldn’t leave her oldest child in this state even if it was to spend Easter with her husband and two younger children. When Sister Kathryn came in later that evening, Hillary showed the first signs of movement since everyone had left her room.  
  
“Sister Kathryn,” Hillary called to the young woman.  
  
“What is it, Hillary? Are you feeling alright?” the nun asked her when she walked closer to the bed.  
  
“Is he… is he okay?” Hillary asked through her renewed round of tears. The young woman looked to Dorothy with a sad look on her face. Dorothy knew that if she didn’t know something about the baby, Hillary would forever wonder about him. When she nodded her head, Hillary started to cry harder.  
  
“He’s been a little fussy. No one can settle him down and he won’t take a bottle yet,” Sister Kathryn explained. She knew she shouldn’t be telling Hillary any of this but her heart broke for the girl.  
  
“Can… can I see him?”  
  
“Hillary, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” her mother said.  
  
“Please?” Hillary pleaded. Sister Kathryn looked between mother and daughter. She knew she should say no. It was their policy to not have the mothers see the babies. But they were actually having problems feeding this baby and getting him to settle down. When she saw Dorothy finally relent, she took off towards the nursery. She returned moments later with a very fussy baby and both Hillary and Dorothy broke out into more tears.  
  
The moment Sister Kathryn stepped near the bed, Hillary reached her arms out to take the baby. The nun carefully placed the infant into his mother’s arms and he seemed to settle almost instantly when she started talking to him. Hillary looked over the features of this tiny human that came from her body just hours ago. He was the spitting image of his father but his eyes were a darker blue. She knew that most babies were born with blue eyes and they would eventually change but they matched the color of her own eyes and she secretly hoped that they would stay that color.  
  
She touched her finger to the tip of his perfect little nose and traced the invisible line down to his pouty lips that immediately began rooting, in search of a meal. When Hillary noticed this she looked up to Sister Kathryn for guidance but it was her mother who stepped up first. She knew that this was not the best idea, that Hillary and the baby were going to have an even harder time being separated but that didn’t change the fact that the baby hadn’t eaten since he was born hours ago and he needed to in order to stay healthy. Dorothy helped show her daughter how to properly hold the baby while adjusting her gown to pull it down to expose her breast. Once the baby felt the warm skin against his face, he turned his head and immediately latched on and began to nurse.  
  
“I love him so much,” Hillary said softly. Even with tears streaming down her cheeks, a smile graced her face. This beautiful baby was a part of her and he always would be. “I love you more than anything,” she said to the baby.  
  
Sister Kathryn let Hillary hold the baby a little while longer after he finished nursing. Seeing that it was getting quite late, she told Hillary that she would have to take the baby back to the nursery. Dorothy watched as her daughter kissed her grandson on the head one last time before releasing her hold on him. As soon as the doors closed with Sister Kathryn and the baby on the other side, Hillary broke down in her mother’s arms. It may not have been the best idea but Hillary was grateful that she was given that time with her son. Time to see his face, know the feel of his soft hair and feed him from her body for the first and only time. She hopes that one day she will see him again and be able to tell him how much she loved him and that she would have given anything for things to be different.


	7. Chapter 7

Summer 1969

It was a surprisingly beautiful day in Oxford and most people decided to take advantage of that. With no classes that day, almost all the students had left campus to walk around town. Bill Clinton was one of the many along with his friend Frank Aller. He had changed his name to Clinton and started going by simply Bill when his family moved to Arkansas because his mother said that the whole family should have the same last name. He didn’t really mind and it made his little brother feel like he fit in a little better.

They were strolling down one of the main streets when Bill noticed a bookstore with a number of first edition books that he wanted to look at. Once inside, he realized that the shop sold not only old books but new ones and the latest newspapers and magazines. Picking out a few books to buy, he made his way over to where Frank was reading the latest edition of Life Magazine.

“Man, this guy is amazing,” Frank said, indicating Joe Namath who was on the cover. “I don’t even like the Jets but he’s an incredible player.” Bill agreed and picked up a copy himself, flipping through the pages. “Oh look, here are some speeches from our fellow Americans. ‘And it’s also about a very unique American experience. It’s such a great adventure. If the experiment in human living doesn’t work in this country, in this age, it’s not going to work anyway’,” he quoted from one speech.

“Who said that?” Bill questioned.

“Some Wellesley girl. She even might be a little cute without those big glasses,” Frank laughed but his comment caught Bill’s attention. It couldn’t be her, he thought. He didn’t even know where she went to school and he knew that she always refused to wear her glasses but something made him want to look. He pulled the magazine from Frank’s hand and looked at the photos on the open page. “Hey, what…” his friend began to protest when he saw the look on Bill’s face.

It was as if he had seen a ghost. Her hair was longer and darker than the last time he saw her and she wore her glasses that she hated so much, but it was her. It was his girl, his first love, the one he could never get over or out of his thoughts no matter how hard he tried. Her small hands were held out in front of her and Bill noticed she only wore her class ring, hurt but not surprised that she would no longer wore his promise ring. It had been almost six years since they spent that week at Lake Winola and he winced at it having gone by so quickly.

“Hey man, what’s wrong with you?” Frank asked, drawing Bill out of his trance. He looked up at his friend and then back at the magazine.

“I... um… I have to go,” Bill said quickly before he walked swiftly to the register and purchased the magazine, leaving the books behind. Bill threw his arm up in a short wave to his friend and made his way out of the store leaving Frank to wonder what had just happened. When he finally got to the privacy of his room, he released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Suddenly he was sixteen again, head over heels in love with his girl and having to say goodbye to her. To be honest with himself, he was still head over heels in love with her.

Bill took a moment to steady himself, taking deep breaths, and walked over to sit on his bed. He opened the magazine once more and stared down at the beautiful photo of Hillary. It wasn’t the most flattering photo of her but Bill didn’t care. He thought she looked beautiful. He read the excerpt from her speech that was next to the photo and couldn’t believe what he was reading. When they had been growing up Hillary had been a Republican, or so she was told. Bill could tell just by this little bit of her speech that she was as much a Democrat now as he was.

He had almost memorized some parts from reading it over and over when he remembered something that he brought with him everywhere. He set the magazine down on his bed and walked to the closet before reaching for a shelf in the back that held a small box. He walked back over to his bed and set it down next to the magazine, taking a deep breath before wiping the dust off the cover and opening it. He immediately regretted opening the box as memories came flooding back faster than they had when he saw her photo in the magazine and he knew why he hadn’t opened the box in a long time.

Inside were dozens of letters both to and from Hillary. The ones to her he had written and not sent because his last few had gone unanswered. There were also several photos, both framed and not, a scarf that she had forgotten at his house that was packed up by the movers, a 45 of her favorite Elvis song and the one that he sang to her right before they made love for the first time and a few other little things to remind him of her. Her favorite chapstick that somehow ended up in the pocket of one of his coats, hair ties and barrettes that he figured had been forgotten somewhere in his room and a small package of her favorite chocolates that he had intended on giving to her when they got home from Pennsylvania. All things that he shouldn’t have kept but knew that he couldn’t throw away.

When he had arrived in Arkansas with his family that summer, he was angry and hurt but felt that his love for Hillary was strong enough that they could stay together even if they were states away. He had sent Hillary a letter as soon as they got to their new house that included his new address and telephone number. He knew that her father most likely wouldn’t let them talk on the phone very long so they had started writing letters, only the letters quickly came few and far between. He wasn’t sure what had happened. They spoke on the phone a week before his birthday, both ending the call with ‘I love you’ and that was that. He tried calling her but her father always said she wasn’t in and when he wrote, he never got a reply so he stopped. The worst part about all of it was that he just didn’t know why. He didn’t know why she stopped answering his letters and calls and that hurt more than not seeing her.

So he tried to move on. He tried to date other girls, focus on his school work and music but nothing helped. As he got a little older and started dating girls in college, he never could stay with just one girl. He would jump from girl to girl trying to feel again what he once felt for Hillary and somewhere deep down he knew that it just wasn’t going to happen. The more girls he had sex with the more he thought about Hillary. The more he wondered what she was doing with her life and if she had dated anyone else. Of course she had, he thought. She’s beautiful and smart. Any guy would jump at the chance to date her along with Bill, even now. He knew that if he ever saw her again he would never let her go.

“What’s all this?” Frank asked from the doorway. Bill jumped and began shoving everything back into the box. He was so caught up in the past that he hadn’t even heard his friend come to his room.

“Not...nothing,” Bill lied. In his haste he scattered a few photos on the ground and one landed right at Frank’s feet.

“Well, I’ll be,” he mused when he retrieved the photo from the floor. “She looks cuter without the glasses,” he said.

“Yeah, I don’t care what you think,” Bill snapped and ripped the photo out of his hands.

“Hey man,” Frank threw up his hands in surrender. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Your girl’s cute. But what about what’s her name from the sticks?”

“She’s not my girl,” he said softly. “And Carolyn is just a friend. We had a fling but we stayed friends.”

“She’s the girl! Right? She’s the one that you were always talking about. The one that you loved when you were kids? Oh Billy boy you’ve got it bad,” Frank said when he noticed the way Bill had said that Hillary wasn’t his girl.

“Just shut up, man,” Bill said. He was getting angry and he didn’t know why. Frank was his friend and he shouldn’t be upset at him for asking but his emotions were all over the place right now thinking about Hillary.

“Hey, sorry,” Frank said. He turned and closed the door because he didn’t want anyone walking by and catching two guys in a serious conversation about feelings. That would ruin both of their reputations. “Sorry,” he said again when he made his way over towards Bill and pulled his desk chair over to sit across from him.

“No, I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to talk about how I’m feeling with anyone but her. And I know guys don’t do this kind of thing but I did, with her,” Bill explained.

“Then tell me about her. I won’t tell anyone about this, Bill. It would make me look just as soft as you,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

“What can I say? We grew up together, fell in love and then my parents moved,” Bill explained in the most simple terms about the love of his life. He looked up to see Frank watching him with a look that said he didn’t believe him.

“Uh huh. So that’s why you still carry her photos everywhere with you?”

“She was my first. Everything. First girlfriend, first kiss, first…” he trailed off. There was talking about things with guys and then there was sort of talking around things with guys.

“Wow. Didn’t you move south when you were like sixteen?” When Bill nodded his head he continued. “Whoa. Even I didn’t get a girl until freshman year college. Isn’t she younger?”

“A year younger. But don’t even think about her like that,” Bill demanded. He was always a little protective of Hillary at school and if anyone ever said anything bad about her, they would hear from him. Bill saw his friend throw his hands up again in mock defense. “Sorry. I just… I can’t seem to get her out of my head. Out of my system. I haven’t spoken with her in almost six years but just seeing that photo knocked the wind out of me.”

“I get it,” Frank conceded. “Kinda. I’ve never been in love like that but I get how a girl can get you all out of shape. Why don’t you call her?”

“From here? No. I don’t think her father would let me talk to her anyway,” he admitted.

“I don’t blame him! I wouldn’t let the guy who took my daughter’s virginity talk to her either,” Frank laugh, again trying to ease the tension from his friend.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sure she’s moved on by now anyway,” Bill said and Frank could tell that he was officially changing the subject. “Let’s go get some dinner.”

With that, Frank stood and pushed his chair back to Bill’s desk and made his way towards the door. Bill grabbed the box and neatly placed the last photo inside along with the magazine. When he placed the lid back on, he let his hand rest there a moment. He took a deep breath and picked up the box to return it to its rightful place in the closet before joining Frank outside the door. They never spoke about the fact that Bill’s eyes were just a bit misty when he walked away from that box. He blamed it on his allergies.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I'd like to apologize for the late post. And secondly, I will apologize in advance for the possibility of getting behind. Family emergency.
> 
> I will say that this story only has a handful of chapters left to it. One is already written, the next is almost finished and I believe there will only be one or two more after that. I appreciate everyone who reads this story every week and takes the time to leave kudos and comments. If it's a long comment or even just a few words of encouragement, they mean a lot. Bear with me. Thank you.
> 
> Additionally, I'm sorry to my fellow authors who have been adding to their wonderful stories. I haven't been in the right mind to read and/or comment but I will and I'm sure I'll love them all.

Fall 1970

“... and not only that, we grow the biggest watermelons in the world!”

Hillary had been walking through the student lounge in Yale’s law school with a friend when she heard the voice. It was a voice so very familiar but also foreign. Deeper than she remembered and the accent a little thicker but she could never mistake that voice. The voice that had run through her mind thousands of times bringing feelings of both joy and pain. Her whole body stiffened at the sound. Of all the schools in the whole world they had to be at the same one. Her friend noticed her change in demeanour and mistook her sudden fear for curiosity. 

“Oh, that’s Bill Clinton. He’s from Arkansas and that’s all her ever talks about,” he said.

“Clinton?” she asked. That was a surprise. Billy never completely got along with Roger Clinton due to all of his problems and the way he treated his mother but apparently it didn’t stop him from taking his name. And he went by Bill now. It was like he was a whole new person.

“Yeah. You know him?” Her friend asked. She quickly shook her head and excused herself. She made a point to not look towards the voice because she was worried she would follow its sound. 

She ran as fast as she could back to her dorm, thankful that her roommate was out. She had tried so hard to push him out of her mind, her heart, and here he was right in front of her. The past six years had been extremely hard for her. Going back to school for her senior year had been more difficult than she had anticipated. The school work wasn’t hard but finding her place among her friends again proved to be quite taxing. They had all moved on with their lives that she knew nothing about and she had nothing to share about the year she spent in ‘Pennsylvania’. She avoided any kind of attention given by boys and intentionally began to drift from what she used to look like. She began to wear her glasses and not care about what her hair or clothes looked like in order keep them at bay and it worked. She didn’t date anyone else in high school or even when she went to college. 

She also was having a hard time dealing with giving her baby up. She knew it was best for him but she couldn’t help but miss him. She had thrown herself into her school work and graduated high school and went East to study at Wellesley College where she still felt like she was missing a part of herself. Again, she buried herself in her studies, became class president and graduated with honors to then head off to Yale where she found herself now. Throughout her time at Wellesley she decided that she could put her passion about her child into something for someone else’s child and started focusing on the needs of children and families. Her mother had also given her a better insight into the way she had grown up and Hillary knew that this was her calling. 

That lead her to work for Marian Wright Edelman in the summer of 1970 at the Washington Research Project in Washington, D.C. Marian was someone that Hillary looked up to and felt like she could help her make some real changes. While in D.C., Hillary had a chance to look at how both children in poverty and in the foster system are affected by their upbringing. She let her curiosity get the best of her and was able to pull files from the maternity home where she stayed while she gave birth to her son. Though the records were sealed and she would most certainly lose her job and possibly be charged with a crime, she found it. She found the name of the family who adopted her baby and they lived right outside of Chicago.

Hillary absentmindedly reached for the chain that hung around her neck. She knew she should have taken it off years ago but she just couldn’t. She felt like she was a little more connected to both Billy and the baby when she wore it. She walked over to her desk and pulled out an old copy of The Brothers Karamazov and opened to the pages that held two photographs between them. One was of herself and Billy that last summer they spent together and the second was of her baby boy when he was just born. Sister Kathryn had slipped the photo into her bag before she left the maternity home and Hillary would be forever grateful. Shoving the photos back into the book, she took off towards the payphone in the lounge of her dorm.

“Mom?”

“Hillary, what’s wrong?” her mother asked when she heard the urgency in her voice.

“He’s here. Of all the schools he had to come here,” Hillary cried. She usually wasn’t one to show emotion in public, was raised to hide things like that, so she tried her hardest to keep the tears at bay when her classmates could walk by and see her.

“Have you spoken to him?” Dorothy asked. She didn’t even need to ask who her daughter was talking about. She knew that there was only one person in the world that could cause this kind of reaction in Hillary. Taking her daughter’s pause as a no, she continued. “Why not? Hillary you’re never going to solve anything by ignoring it. I know it’s hard, I know he hurt you but you know that you’ll never be over him until you talk to him and hash things out.”

“I can’t,” she replied, barely keeping her tears at bay. “He must hate me.”

“Why? What are you talking about?” her mother asked and Hillary knew she had said too much. She hadn’t ever told her mother that she wrote a letter to Billy telling him about the baby. She never told her that even after knowing he never contacted her. “Hillary?”

“I just can't face him. Not after everything.”

Hillary was thankful that her mother seemed to believe her answer, even if it happened a little too easily. They spoke for a few more minutes, Hillary adamant about trying to avoid Billy while Dorothy encouraged her to see him. She knew how hurt her daughter had been when everything happened but she also knew that despite it all, Hillary still loved the boy just as much as she had all those years ago.

They ended the conversation with a promise that Hillary would call her mother soon. When she arrived back to her dorm, Hillary noticed that she had left her book out. She was grateful that her roommate was still out and shoved the book back into its place, hidden beneath others and out of view. She was determined to steer clear of ‘Bill Clinton’. She rolled her eyes just at the thought of his name. She had hated Roger Clinton Sr. for not only the way he treated Billy but also for taking him away from her. Now she would have to think of him every time she thought of Billy, something she was finding harder to not do. 

It wasn't until the following spring that Hillary realized that she had a class with him because of course he was enrolled in the law school. He couldn't be majoring in anything else but exactly what she was. It was a class that she had never seen him in before and tried to flee as soon as she saw him sitting in the back of the class surrounded by a group hanging on his every drawled word. She stared for just a moment, caught off guard by his bushy hair and beard. She watched as he spoke enthusiastically with his hands as he always used to and she was reminded how much she loved those hands. She finally forced herself to leave before he turned to see her.

So she ended up in the law library with its endless rows of towering shelves, overflowing with heavy book. She had spent hours upon hours within these walls and not once spied Billy so she figured she was safe. She had books opened and papers scattered everywhere covering the work spaces to her right and left, shifting them every once in awhile when she finished one task. She was so focused on her work that she didn't notice the group that came in and hovered by the door.

Her body suddenly tensed, hearing the sound of laughter coming from the opposite side of the room. She knew that laugh although it lacked the same mirth it once embodied. It was a laugh she used to swear she could listen to for hours. A laugh that would come out after he had thrown his head back and scrunched his face up in that adorable way she loved so much. He would slap his hand on his knee or hold his stomach as it began to ache from the long use of muscles if they had both gotten into a laughing fit. She knew that laugh and also knew its owner who was no doubt taking in all of his surroundings. He was probably listening to everything the other young man was saying to him but surveying every inch of the room. 

Knowing that, Hillary began to gather all of her belongings as quickly as possible. Maybe if she got out of the library she could continue to avoid him that much longer. In her haste she fumbled and knocked several of her books to the floor, cursing as she heard the group quiet down. She kept her head down as she swept up her papers and reached for her books now on the floor, making sure to not make eye contact with any in that group. 

Across the room, Bill was standing and listening to his friend Jeff tell him all about the Yale Law Journal. He wanted Bill to join and kept telling him how good it would look on his resume when he applied to all the big law firms after school. Bill had told Jeff repeatedly that he didn’t want to join because he wasn’t going to need a fancy resume back in Arkansas, but Jeff wasn’t taking no for an answer. When he started to list all the people who had been members in the past, Bill heard a loud noise of books falling to the ground across the library. He looked towards the sound and saw a young woman in loose fitting clothing, with thick dark blonde hair and big glasses bent over picking up her papers and books in a rush. Jeff followed Bill’s gaze and huffed when he saw who it had landed on.

“Don’t even think about it,” Jeff said. At Bill’s confused look, he continued. “She’s outta even your league in brains, bud. And she doesn’t give any guy the time of day.”

Bill continued to watch as she clumsily picked up her belongings. There was something about this girl that made him hold his stare. He couldn’t see her face but he felt something familiar about her. 

“What’s her name?” he asked as he finally pulled his eyes off of her.

“Why? She’s not going to be a notch in your bedpost, I can tell you that.” After a moment, Jeff gave in. “It’s Hillary Rodham,” he said and he could have sworn Bill had seen a ghost. He went pale and his head whipped up to look back towards Hillary only to find that she had finally succeeded in picking up her books and papers and made her way out of the library. “Hey man, what…” he trailed off as Bill took off in the direction he figured Hillary had gone in.

Bill ran down the long aisle of the library towards the doors at the opposite end. He burst through the heavy barricades only to be met by a blinding light. He held his hand up in front of his eyes to shield them from the sunlight and looked around. He saw other students making their way here and there but didn't see Hillary. He ran down the path to look across the lawn and she was nowhere to be seen. Completely forgetting about Jeff, Bill stalked off to his car and left campus for the house he shared with a few other students. 

He slammed the front door of 889 East Broadway when he entered and stomped up the stairs to his room causing his roommates, Bill, Doug and Don, to look at each other and shake their heads. They figured it was girl trouble. It was always girl trouble with Bill Clinton, although he was usually the one causing the trouble. A few hours later, Bill came into the kitchen where all three other housemates were eating.

“What's with you, man?” Don asked. 

“Must be a girl,” Doug added when Bill refused to say anything. 

“Do any of you know a girl named Hillary Rodham?” he finally asked. 

“Yeah. She's in some of my classes, why?” Don asked.

“Just wondering,” Bill muttered and turned to leave the room.

“Don't try it, man. She's too good for you!” Don called at Bill retreating from.

Once inside the privacy of his room, Bill thought about what his friend said. Hillary was too good for him, always had been. She was too good for someone who used women the way Bill had. But he had always loved her and he was determined to find out if she still loved him or ever really had at all. So the next few weeks, Bill scoured the campus, looking everywhere just to catch a glimpse of Hillary. He asked Don what classes they had together and whether she attended that day. He went to all the places he would think she would go, the library, student lounges, popular foods places, but he couldn't find her anywhere.

He was beginning to give up when his luck turned. He had found out that they were both in Professor Emerson’s class in Political and Civil Rights so Bill waited until the class had almost begun and snuck in the back of the room. Bill spotted Hillary right away in the front row of seats. When class was dismissed, he waited by the door for her to exit and watched as her floral skirt almost swept the floor when she walked. She was looking at the ground with her books in her arms and didn't see Bill standing there.

“Hey Hilly,” he said as she was almost past him. He watched her whole body tense and he was so confused. All he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and never let go but seeing her reaction, he held back. She turned to look at him and he could see those brilliant blue eyes that he loved so much even if they were obstructed by her glasses. He waited.

“Hey Bill,” she said softly and he was shocked. She had never called him Bill before and even though he now prefered to be called that, it sounded wrong coming from her lips. He also had no idea what to do next. He had dreamt of this very moment for almost seven years and he found himself at a complete loss for words. He always imagined they would see each other and rush into one another’s arms and kiss and tell each other how much they've missed the other. 

“How… how are you?” he finally was able to get out. He watched a look of confusion come over her face and then it went blank. The beautiful face he used to be able to read like a book was now an empty page.

“I'm fine,” she replied. “Look, I have to go.”

“Wait, what? Hillary…” he started to protest until she cut him off.

“It was good to see you,” Hillary lied and turned to leave while Bill was having none of it.

“Can we talk? Before anything else we were friends at least,” Bill pleaded. 

“We have nothing to talk about. It was a long time ago, just let it be. I really do have to go,” she said quickly and took off even faster.

Bill watched her go and had no idea what had just happened. He finally found the girl he had been in love with from the time they were children and he was letting her get away from him again. He thought about going after her but knew that she would not want that. He would wait and try to see her again soon. 

A few weeks had passed and Bill hadn't seen Hillary anywhere on campus so he started to ask around. He met a few of her friends and they informed him that she had left for California for the summer. She would be interning at a law firm and staying with her aunt. One of her friends even told him that she had moved her plans up a few weeks and made the journey cross country earlier than planned. Bill decided there was nothing he could do at the moment and kept his commitment to go to Florida and be the coordinator of the southern states for Senator McGovern. 

Hillary had indeed left earlier than planned and because of that had thrown her aunt into a tizzy. Aunt Adeline wasn’t prepared for the young woman to come so soon and asked Hillary to stay in Park Ridge for a couple weeks before continuing across country for the summer. She had reluctantly agreed and made her way to her parent’s house to settle in for a short stay. And for Hillary, the shorter the better. She still couldn’t spend extended periods of time with her father without him trying to point out one way or another that she had disappointed him once again. He hadn’t spoken to her for days after her graduation from Wellesley and when he had it was only to yell at her for embarrassing him, followed by a rather hard backhand. But she loved her mother dearly and cherished their time together, so she stayed and tried her hardest to avoid her father.

“Oh, honey, I’m so glad you’re home,” Dorothy cried and threw her arms around her only daughter the moment she stepped out of her car. Hillary reciprocated her embrace and met the hard stare of her father from his stance on the porch. He huffed and turned to walk into the house, slamming the door in the process. “Don’t mind him. He’s been a grump the last few days.”

“Since he found out I was coming home?” Hillary asked. When her mother didn’t answer, she knew she was right and walked to the trunk of her car to grab her suitcase. “It’s fine. He wants to talk to me about as much as I want to talk to him.”

“Hillary, I wish you two could work it out. It’s been a long time…”

“I know exactly how long it’s been, Mom. Time won’t change this,” she said as she made her way into the house. Dorothy followed her and helped her get settled into her old bedroom. A few hours later found mother and daughter at the kitchen table discussing everything that was going on at home and at school.

“So…” Dorothy started. “Are you going to tell me what’s going on with Billy?”

“Nothing is going on with Billy. Or Bill, I should say,” Hillary all but spit out which caught her mother’s attention. “Yeah, he’s going by Bill Clinton these days.”

“And?”

“And, what? He made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with me when he stopped writing and started dating right after he got to Arkansas when I thought we were still together. And then he walked up to me like nothing happened!”

Dorothy watched as her daughter began to get more and more upset. This clearly wasn’t what she had wanted to do when she asked about Billy but maybe this was good. Hillary never opened up about her feelings about everything that happened. Dorothy knew that she still cried over the loss of her child but only when others weren’t around to see her.

“He just walked up to me and asked me how I was! How am I? I’m fine, I didn’t have my heart ripped out of my chest by you. I’m fine, I didn’t cry myself to sleep for months because of you. I’m fine, I didn’t carry your child for nine months and then give him away to complete strangers!” Hillary continued to cry. 

“But honey, he doesn’t know those things,” Dorothy said as she put her hand beneath her daughter’s chin to lift her gaze to meet her own. “He especially doesn’t know about the baby,” she continued and noticed how Hillary averted her eyes. The only time Hillary averted eye contact was when she was trying to hide something, which wasn’t very often. “Hillary, did you tell him?”

She didn’t have chance to answer because her father came barreling in the room. Neither woman had noticed he was standing in the doorway and he moved too quickly for either to react fast enough. Hugh grabbed Hillary by the arm and pulled her from her seat before knocking her to the floor with the back of his hand. She wasn’t prepared for the impact and her glasses flew across the floor before her cheek made contact with the cool tile.

“Hugh, stop it!” Dorothy cried and ran to protect her daughter just like she had so many other times.

“You stupid girl!” Hugh yelled at her. “You want to whole world to know you’re a whore who got pregnant at fifteen? Fine, tell everyone you want.”

He stomped off as Hillary lay curled up on the floor crying, cradling her face. Dorothy began to help her off the floor and wiped the blood from her split lip before gathering her into her arms. She sat on the floor and cried with her daughter until Hillary’s tears seemed to stop.

“Honey…”

“It was in a letter,” Hillary spoke softly. “I couldn’t go through everything without him knowing.”

“I know, sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.”

They made their way up the stairs and Dorothy ended up sleeping with Hillary that night. She woke up the next morning and called her sister knowing she would be up even with the time difference. Dorothy explained to Adeline that Hillary had to come sooner than planned and finally her sister agreed. They packed up Hillary’s car that afternoon and she was on her way to California with enough time for her face to heal before she had to start working at Treuhaft, Walker and Burnstein.

For Bill it was a long and hot summer, trekking across state after state, registering voters and helping plan out the campaign. It kept him busy and he enjoyed what he was doing but several people who had worked with him before noticed there was something off. He lacked his usual enthusiasm for the work and the girls that came along with it. Bill was always known as a ‘ladies’ man’ and to have several flings at once when traveling but this time was different. There were girls, but not nearly as many and they were usually left unsatisfied because he was simply going through the motions. 

Bill took a few extra days before returning to school to head home and spend some time with his mother, brother and her new husband that she married not long after Roger Clinton Sr. died. Virginia noticed how her son seemed sad but didn't want to talk about anything like that. It brought her back to the other time her son had acted just like this and she wasn't going to be the one to mention Hillary Rodham. That girl had been more trouble for her Billy than he even knew about. Thankfully, Virginia thought, they hadn't seen each other in years and Billy knew nothing of what the girl had done. 

After a few days at home, Bill packed up and went back to New Haven. Still depressed at the thought of having lost Hillary for good, he decided that he would rent an apartment by himself rather than be a burden and spoil sport for his other housemates. A small apartment on the ground level of an old house at 21 Eaglewood Avenue fit him just right and was close enough to campus that if he felt the need for company, he could easily find it. Once classes started, he was getting back into the swing of things until he received a devastating phone call.

“Hillary?” She heard her name being called after a soft knock on her open dorm room door. She turned to see a classmate that she wasn't close with but thought she knew his name.

“Doug, right?” she asked. When he nodded she motioned for him to come inside. “What's…”

“Listen,” he started and cut her off before she could ask. “I don't know what happened with you and Clinton, and honestly, I don't care. But he's in a real bad place right now.” 

“What do you mean?” she asked, the obvious concern in her shaky voice.

“Bill had a close friend at a neighboring school when we were at Oxford. They did everything together.” 

“What does this have to do with me?” Hillary asked. 

“He killed himself a couple weeks ago,” Doug explained and paused when he heard Hillary gasp and bring her hand to her mouth. “Bill has taken it really hard. He won't talk to any of us, he's not going to classes, I don't think he's even leaving his apartment.” 

Doug could see that she was struggling with the decision. She started to pace and reached for a necklace around her neck, pulling it out from under her shirt to run her fingers against what looked like a ring. Whatever it was that happened between his friend and Hillary must have been bad. He was about to start pleading again when she agreed. Doug gave her the address and left her with her head in her hands trying to build up the courage to face Bill.

It wasn't hard to find the old house and Hillary nervously walked to the door and knocked softly. She didn't hear any movement inside and for a moment she thought she was off the hook. When she turned to leave she heard a soft shuffling on the other side of the door and knew she couldn't leave. She waited and when it didn’t open, she knocked again.

“Billy?” she called softly.

The door opened and Hillary stepped back a bit. Bill’s eyes were squinting from the sun and adjusting to probably not having seen natural light in days. She could tell by standing not very close to him that he was in dire need of a shower and a dryout period. His clothes were dirty, wrinkled and stained and his hair stood every which way, which honestly wasn’t much of a change from what it usually looked like. She could read the surprise on his face when he finally focused his sights on her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked. It could have come out as sounding like an accusation but he hadn’t meant it to. And luckily for him, Hillary didn’t take it that way. She simply looked into his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes that she loved, and saw so much pain. It was a pain that she would do anything to take away.

Without a word Hillary pushed her way into the small apartment and Bill followed closely behind. It was then that he noticed she was carrying a grocery bag and watched as she figured out that the kitchen was all the way down the hallway. She set the bag down and began to remove a box of saltine crackers, a bushel of bananas, a box of Alka Seltzer and a few other items. A few cans of soup and a loaf of bread were placed on the table along with a couple bottles of juice. 

Once her ‘hangover kit’ was unpacked, she reached to open one of the cabinet doors to grab a glass and filled it from the tap before opening the box of Alka Seltzer and dropping the two tablets in. Bill was still so shocked that he almost dropped the glass when she pressed it into his hands. She forced him to sit down and went about cleaning up a little bit. 

“Hill…”

“Why don't you go lie down? Sleep it off a bit. I'll be here when you wake up,” Hillary said, cutting off whatever he was about to say or ask. 

He finally agreed and trudged his way to the small bedroom. Once the door was partially closed, Hillary went about cleaning his apartment. It truly looked like he hadn't left in days and smelled like it, too. She opened a few windows and threw away all the empty take-out containers that littered both the living room and kitchen. She would have to work on his bedroom once he was awake. She got rid of all of his booze and hid his weed so he would clear his mind of anything that could alter how he was actually feeling. She had no idea what she was in for but she knew she had to help him. 

After a few hours the apartment looked like a civilized person actually lived there and Hillary finally sat down at the table to take a break and also think about what she was going to say to him. She was confused by him when he had come up to her after class last spring as if nothing had happened. As if they had simply parted ways on good terms and they were simply getting reacquainted. She had no idea why he stopped writing or calling her. She also had no idea how he felt about her now or her decision to give up their child. And looking at the clock she realized that she probably wasn’t going to get an answer tonight so she walked into the living room and grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and settled in for the night.

The next morning came and Hillary awoke to a silent apartment. She was actually surprised that she hadn’t heard any sounds from Bill’s bedroom so she went to check on him. She slowly opened the door just a little wider and saw him laying across his bed. He had removed his wrinkled shirt from the night before and Hillary admired his bare chest, so different and matured from the boy she last knew him to be. She let her mind wander and imagined running her hands along the hard planes of that chest, through the hair that was just barely there when she last touched him. Her face began to get hot and she was sure that her cheeks were red. She shook herself out of her daze when Bill began to stir and backed away from to door to go make coffee.

This was how Bill found her a little while later when he finally emerged from his bedroom after well over twelve hours. Hillary noticed that he had replaced his shirt and she didn’t know whether she was happy or sad about that fact. She had just finished brewing a pot of coffee and the tea kettle was about to whistle any moment. She poured a cup for herself and then coffee for him and placed them on the table before reaching for the toast that just popped up from the toaster. 

Bill couldn't stop the smile that came to his face. He momentarily forgot why she was there and relished in the domesticity of it all. Hillary had her long thick hair pulled up in a messy bun atop her head with loose wisps making their way out at the base of her skull and at her temples. She wore no makeup and her glasses were pushed up into her hair giving him a clear view of her beautiful face, much matured from the girl he last saw in person. When she finally made eye contact, he was struck by a sense of sadness he noticed. 

“Hey,” he said not really knowing what to say.

“Hey,” she replied softly. She motioned for him to sit before placing some toast and a banana in front of him along with a cup of coffee and juice. They sat in silence for a few moments before Bill decided to break it.

“What are you doing here?” Bill repeated to unanswered question from the night before without even looking up from his plate.

“Doug told me about your friend. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Hillary explained. 

“Why?” he asked. He finally looked up to her face and saw her bro knit in confusion. “Why would you care?”

“Of course I care,” she said defensively. 

“Could have fooled me,” Bill spit out and pushed his chair away from the table. He went to reach for the cabinet where he kept all his booze and found it empty. “Where is it?”

“I got rid of it. What do you mean, I could have fooled you?” Hillary asked and watched as he walked across the small room to the pantry and swung to door open. She had found all the liquor in there as well and threw it away. She may not have lived with an alcoholic but he had and Hillary knew exactly what it was like. “Billy?”

“What?” he yelled and saw her flinch and lean away from him. He hadn’t meant to frighten her. He knew that she used to cry when her father yelled at her which seemed to be all the time. She never cried in front of her father but she cried to him. Looking at her now, even though she was seven years older and much more a woman than a girl, he saw that little girl he used to wrap his arms around after her father had laid into her. 

“What did you mean?” she asked again when he finally seemed to have settled down and now sat with his head in his hands. He ran his hand through his hair and questioned her with a look. “How did I fool you?”

He waited a moment. Hillary could see that he was upset but she wasn't sure what he was more upset about; his friend, his lack of alcohol or her being there. She hoped it was the first and not the other two. She didn't know how to help him if it was the second and the third, well she had more right to be upset with him than the other way around. 

“Why did you stop answering my letters?” he finally asked without answering her question. His voice had softened and it sounded almost as if he was beginning to choke up. “What did I do that made you stop taking my calls?”

“I didn't stop writing…” Hillary all but whispered. She was so confused. She had written and sent him several letters that went unanswered and he was saying that he never got them. What could have happened to them? 

“What do you mean? I kept writing and never got an answer. And you would never take my call. Your father would always say you were out doing something,” Bill explained. He looked to Hillary to see that her eyes were brimming with tears just itching to fall. 

“You never got any of my letters?” she asked quietly. It was becoming clear to Hillary that the reason Bill had walked up to her as if nothing happened was because he didn't know anything had. If he never got her letters, then he never knew about the baby. And if he didn't know about the baby, could she keep that from him? 

“No,” he answered, cutting off Hillary's inner battle. “The last time I heard anything from you was a week before my birthday. You told me you loved me when you hung up and then you were gone.”

“I called you on your birthday but your mother told me you were out. Then I called a couple weeks later and…” she paused. The tears she was trying to keep at bay decided to make their presence known and trailed down her cheeks before she wiped them away. “You were out with your girlfriend.”

“Hillary, you were my girlfriend!” he said as he shook his head. He was getting frustrated and he was pretty sure he knew who was to blame. His mother had never approved of their relationship and made it very known to Bill that he ‘could do better’. 

“But that's what your mother said! How was I supposed to know that she would lie to me? I know she never liked me but why lie? I was so upset I didn't know what to believe. I hadn't heard from you in weeks and I thought you had just moved on,” Hillary said as her tears started to come faster. She couldn't stop the sob that escaped her mouth. She was fifteen again, alone and pregnant, and it was too much. 

All Bill wanted to do was wrap his arms around Hillary and hold her until she stopped crying. He hated to see her so upset but he was so confused. Would his mother really stoop so low as to hide Hillary’s letters from him? He thought about it for a moment and he was pretty sure that she would. She was always going on about wanting him to go out and spend time with ‘pretty girls’ but he never really thought about it as a way to get him to forget about Hillary. He probably should have but he was young and she was his mother. He wanted to believe that she wanted what would make him happy. 

Hillary continued to cry and he couldn't take it any longer. Bill walked over to where she was sitting and knelt down in front of her, turning her chair to face him and settled between her legs before taking her into his arms. Hillary was shocked but welcomed his embrace. She clung to him and remembered how good it felt to be held by him. They stayed like this until her tears stopped and Bill’s knees began to ache. He pulled away when he heard a soft giggle and gave her a look like she was crazy.

“You smell terrible,” she said as she pushed him away just enough for show but kept him in arms reach. Bill laughed as well and stood up pulling her up along with him. He guessed he did smell pretty bad having not showered in a few days. 

“God, I’ve missed you,” Bill said suddenly causing them both to stop laughing. He brought his hands up to cup her face and ran his thumbs over her perfect cheekbones. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before the spell was broken by the ringing telephone. Bill reluctantly pulled away to answer it while cursing Bell for ever having created such an annoying contraption.

Hillary picked up the food that neither had really touched and waited for Bill to finish with his call. It was a quick conversation and he was back by her side in a moment. She made him another cup of coffee which he took on his way to the bathroom where she pushed him to take a shower.

Once Bill headed into the bathroom and Hillary heard the water start, she let out a deep breath. She hadn't expected this to happen. She thought that all of these years Bill knew that she had gotten pregnant and gave away their baby. She thought that he had just moved on and that he would hate her if they ever saw each other again. She never expected to see the same love and affection in his eyes ever again directed at her after all this time. She was so confused she needed someone to talk to.

“Hello?” her father’s rough voice asked.

“Is Mom there?” Hillary asked without even saying hello to her father. She heard him huff and yell her mother’s name.

“Hillary?”

“Mom, he doesn't know,” she said before her mother could say anything else. 

“How do you know that?” Dorothy asked already knowing who Hillary was talking about. She was secretly pleased that it seemed her daughter had finally made contact with Bill. 

Hillary gave her mother the whole story, well a shortened version of it, and explained how neither had received the other’s letters. She asked her mother if she knew anything about them and Dorothy couldn't bring herself to tell her daughter that she had suspected for years that Hugh went to great lengths to keep the young couple apart. Hillary even told her mother that she had tried to call Bill the night she found out she was pregnant and what Virginia had told her. Dorothy was heartbroken but not surprised that she would hurt a young girl’s feelings like that.

“Where are you now?” Dorothy asked. 

“I'm at his apartment…” Hillary answered cautiously. She may be almost twenty five but she was still a daughter. “His friend killed himself and Bill has taken it really hard. That’s how we started talking about everything. I don't know what to do, Mom.”

“Honey, you do what you think is right.”

“But I don't know what's right!” she cried. She quieted her voice again before continuing. “I don't know if I can tell him but I don't know if I can keep it from him either.”

“What's going on between you two now? Do you see your relationship going forward again?” Dorothy asked. She always felt that they were meant to be together and what they had was real but she also knew her daughter and knew that Hillary wasn't the kind to keep something from someone she loved. 

“I don't know…”

“Sweetheart, do you still love him?”

“Yes…” she answered softly. 

Dorothy knew she was right all along and she just hoped that her daughter would make the right decision. She had grown up a lot in the past seven years and her mother just hoped that she had learned from her mistakes. But Dorothy was also a little apprehensive about the possibility of the two getting back together. It was clear Hillary's father and Bill’s mother didn't want them together and obviously went quite far to keep them apart. They finished their phone call when Hillary heard the shower turn off and she waited for him to emerge from the bathroom. 

The door opened and steam from the hot water billowed out. Bill stood in the open doorway with a towel wrapped low around his waist, his hair wet and his face surprisingly freshly shaved. He looked so much more like the boy she loved without the facial hair. He gave her a bit of a crooked smile and walked into his bedroom to get dressed. 

When he came out a few minutes later, they went into the living room to sit on the couch to relax knowing that it was going to be a long conversation. They talked about everything from the years they had been separated. Bill told her about being involved with the senator's office in Arkansas and his years at Georgetown while Hillary went on about her Wellesley years. She skipped over the rest of high school and was happy that Bill didn't seem to notice. They conversed all day, only stopping to order food and even then carrying on. It was getting dark and Bill noticed that Hillary was getting tired so he suggested that they move into his bedroom as it would be more comfortable than falling asleep on the couch again. He gave her a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts to change into and they settled under the covers in his bed, Hillary securely in Bill’s arms where they continued their conversation. 

It was then that Hillary finally asked about Frank. They lay in the dark and she could tell just by the change in his breathing that he was getting upset. Bill told her about how close the two were, they did everything together. He even told Hillary that Frank was the only person he ever opened up to about their relationship after he’d left for college. He had told his friend Vince and a few other boys about the girl he was in love with but never anyone as he'd grown into an adult. But he told Frank. 

Even in the dark Hillary could see the tears streaming down his temples and into his hair as he lay on his back. She sat up a bit to wipe them away softly and placed a kiss to his cheek. She went to pull away but wasn't quick enough and Bill’s fingers threaded through her thick hair and pulled her to him until her lips met his. It was a soft, chaste kiss but it reminded both of how much they had missed. Hillary kissed him once more on the corner of his mouth before settling back into his arms to fall asleep. Things were definitely working out differently than either would have thought they would.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind words. I'm posting this now as it was already written but this is the last finished chapter I have. I hope to be able to finish the next chapters soon.

Winter 1979

The curtains were mostly drawn, only a sliver of grim light peaking through from the dreary day that was going on on the other side of the glass. The wind was blowing and the old house would creak every once in awhile just to remind its occupants of its age. Or maybe it was the spirits of past occupants that also wanted to be acknowledged. Either way the noises were unwelcome by the current occupant in the bed of the master bedroom. 

Hillary lay curled up on her side as she had found several times over that this was the most comfortable, or least painful at least, position to be in at this phase. This phase being just having lost the second pregnancy they'd been excited about too soon. She prayed so hard for this baby only for it to be taken away from her just like her last one and the little boy she actually gave birth to. 

She thought about that baby, a teenager now, and couldn't help but feel like she was being punished. God was punishing her for her sins by not only taking him away but also by preventing her from ever having another child. She didn't deserve another child when she gave her first one away to strangers. She also didn't deserve another child when she kept the fact that she already had one from the person she was supposed to trust with everything. 

Hillary had never told Bill about the baby and it was always something that she struggled with, especially once they started talking about starting a family. She felt guilty but she had made a decision to not say anything and she felt she had to stick to that. It wouldn't do anyone any good to know about the terrible thing she had done and how it had haunted her since. 

After Hillary had comforted Bill after Frank’s suicide, the two found it very easy to get back to where they had been prior to Bill’s move to Arkansas. They became inseparable. Hillary moved in with him, much to their families concerns, and the two finished school while letting their relationship shape more into an adult romance than a childhood one. Bill went back to Arkansas like he always said he was going to and Hillary went to Boston to work for the Children’s Defence Fund then to D.C. to work on the Nixon impeachment. She travelled south several times to see Bill all while fighting an inner battle. Could she build a life with someone when keeping such a big secret or could she walk away from the only man she'd ever loved? She chose the former and now she found herself married to the new governor of Arkansas but still keeping a secret she seemed to be paying for.

The discussion of having a baby started as soon as her father reluctantly gave her away at their small wedding. Hillary had almost refused to allow him to come because he wanted to be there just as much as she wanted him there. He threw a fit when she had told him they were back together but gave the outward appearance of approval while reminding Hillary every chance he got just what he thought about it. When he overheard Hillary telling her mother they were trying for a baby he had to remind her that they didn't have to try very hard the first time. That only served to reiterate her feelings of guilt and that she was being punished. 

Hillary had decided that she would seek the help of a doctor, a specialist, if this pregnancy ended the way her last one had and now it seemed like she would have to. She hadn't told Bill but she called yesterday to make an appointment when it was clear what was going on. The pains started like they had previously and before she knew it she was on the bathroom floor trying to clean the blood off of herself and the tile. Bill found her hours later still on the floor and placed her in the bathtub before climbing in with her and turning the shower head on. He carefully washed her hair and body while letting the shower water mask both of their tears. After he gently dried her off and dressed her in some of his clothes that she used for sleeping in, he tucked her into bed where they both cried, Hillary cried herself to sleep and Bill simply watched her. 

After Bill was sure she was asleep, he slipped out of bed and made his way to the kitchen. It was still early but he walked over to the liquor cabinet and was about to pour himself a vodka when he heard the front door close. It startled him but then he cursed himself for forgetting to call his mother and telling her not to come over for dinner like they had planned. When she walked into the kitchen she stopped at the sight of her older son. He was in wrinkled clothes and his hair was disheveled and still a little wet. But beyond his clothing and hair she could see something was very wrong.

“Honey, what's happened?” Virginia asked. She knew that he had been stressed lately with work and Hillary was always working as well. Now, she knew what it was like to want to work but she always felt that her daughter-in-law chose to work more than she needed to and that took time away from her husband. Not that she minded because she would rather Hillary not be around much anyway. Maybe then her Billy could find someone to be a real wife to him.

“I'm sorry, Mother. I forgot to call you to tell you not to come over for dinner. Hillary is really sick,” he explained, cutting off her inner dialogue. 

“Oh, no. Is she alright?” she asked with feigned concern. She honestly didn't care what happened to the woman as long as she was on her way out of her son’s life. She knew that Hillary wasn't a very sickly person, so this could be serious, but she didn't expect it was anything to get too worked up about. She really didn't expect for her son, her tall and strong son, to break down in tears in front of her. Now she was a little worried that it could be something serious. 

“Sh… she lost… the baby,” Bill eventually got out between sobs. He reached for his mother for comfort and she was so shocked by his statement that it took her a moment for it to register and then wrapped her arms around him. 

Virginia had no idea they were trying to have a baby. She had been bugging her son for years to give her a grandchild because she thought that her daughter-in-law would be too career oriented to even discuss the topic. She figured the more she brought it up the more he would bring it up to Hillary, hopefully causing problems. She did honestly want a grandchild but she didn't want one that was mothered by Hillary. She had made the decision years ago that she would give up the thought of finding the grandchild she already had because she knew it would only tie the two together more. She had thought about letting Bill find out and seeing what the fallout would be but she knew her son and she knew that for some unknown reason he loved that woman and would also see it as a link to tie them together forever. That is if she even had the child. All these years Virginia had wondered what happened after Hillary wrote that letter she intended for Bill to read. Had she actually given birth and gave the child up or did she have an abortion? She never even thought about the possibility of a healthy young girl miscarrying. 

But seeing her son like this now, she didn't know what to do. She knew Bill had always talked about wanting a big family. That's part of the reason she brought up a baby every chance she could to remind him that any other woman would have given him half a dozen children by now. She never even thought that maybe they had been trying to have a baby and it just wasn't happening. Or worse, this had happened before. As much as she didn't like Hillary with her son, Virginia would never wish the loss of a child on anyone. 

Bill had finally calmed down and his tears were slowing when he pulled away from his mother. He looked so lost. He felt so lost. The person he loved more than anything in the world was hurting and there was nothing he could do to help her. He could usually soothe her with the sound of his voice or touch of his hand but he knew those wouldn't help this time. 

He hadn't meant to tell his mother about the baby, or lack thereof now. He and Hillary had talked about who to tell when they found out they were pregnant and she was adamant that they only tell her mother until the coast was clear. Dorothy had come down last time to spend a week with them after she lost the baby and he was sure she would probably come again this time. Hillary said she didn't feel comfortable having other people know, even if it was his mother, and he respected that. He just couldn't hold it in any longer when his mother came into the kitchen. 

Virginia watched her son try his best to compose himself before trying to ask him any more questions. She cautiously looked towards the clock after seeing the empty tumbler in front of him. She knew her son didn't drink often, privately thanking God for making him allergic to almost every form of alcohol, but this would be one of those times that he would. 

She opened her mouth to say something when she thought she heard a noise from upstairs. Her suspicion was affirmed when she saw Bill’s head turn in that direction then he took off up the stairs taking them two at a time. Virginia followed behind him, albeit slower, but got to the door just in time to see her son gather Hillary’s small body into his arms. She had never really paid much attention to the younger woman’s size other than the fact that she wasn't what Bill should want. She had made comments about Hillary’s appearance before but never really noticed just how small she was. Not just in weight but in structure. She was just a very small person. 

Bill hadn't realized his mother followed him and really didn't care. The only thing he cared about was getting to Hillary as fast as he could. When he reached the side of the bed, he noticed the pillow was soaked with her tears and her hand was clutching her abdomen. Tears sprung to his own eyes as he pulled her into his arms and held onto her as she broke into yet another round to gut wrenching sobs. 

“I'm ss...so sorry,” she cried into his shoulder. 

“Oh, Darlin’ you have nothing to be sorry for,” Bill tried to reassure her but he knew it was falling on deaf ears. Hillary blamed herself the first time she lost their baby and he knew she was going to blame herself this time as well. He held her for a while longer until he felt her breathing even out when she fell asleep in his arms. He carefully tucked her back under the covers and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. 

Virginia watched the whole scene unfold and her heart broke when she saw her son get down on his knees beside the bed and bow his head. She noticed he was holding one of Hillary's hands in his much larger ones and placed gentle kisses to her short fingers. She had to cover her mouth and look away when Bill’s shoulders began to shake, a telltale sign that he was crying and doing everything in his power to not make any noise that would wake Hillary. 

She couldn't take it any longer and walked away from the bedroom door back downstairs. Virginia was actually starting to feel sorry for Hillary. The only feeling she's ever had towards her son’s wife was contempt. And maybe a little jealousy. She never liked how her son would jump at everything that girl said when they were young. Never liked how he would side with Hillary in a discussion rather than her. She really never liked the fact that Hillary had become the most important thing in the world to her son. She would also never admit it to anyone who asked her. But hearing her cries, hearing the pain in Hillary's voice, Virginia felt guilty for taking that letter. She had to get out of there. She had to remind herself that even though it was her grandchild that was lost, it was one less thing to keep them together. Virginia quickly grabbed her purse and left out the front door before Bill even came back down. 

A few days later Hillary was sitting in the office of Dr. Gillian Wells. Dr. Wells was an obstetrician that specialized in infertility, specifically women with endometriosis. She was in her late forties with quite a bit of experience and a great reputation. When she saw that the new governor’s wife had requested an appointment, she made sure to find a place to fit her in. After their introductions, both asking to be called by their first names, they got down to business.

“I see here that you were diagnosed with endometriosis in your early twenties. And that you've had two pregnancies,” Gillian read off the chart and then looked at the date of the last pregnancy. “I'm sorry.” 

“It's okay. I've actually had three,” Hillary corrected her and waited for the inevitable questions to follow. 

“I only see two noted. When was your other miscarriage?” she asked a making a note in her record. 

“I didn't have a miscarriage… I had a baby on Easter in 1964.”

Hillary watched Gillian's face for a moment while she took in the new information. Her eyes widened slightly as she worked out the math in her head. She wrote down a few more notes in her chart before Hillary interrupted her thoughts.

“I was sixteen. He was a couple weeks early but healthy. I had one episode of bleeding during the pregnancy but other than that, it was pretty normal. He was adopted by a young couple in Chicago,” Hillary explained before she silently cursed herself for saying the last part. She wasn't supposed to know where he was.

“Does your husband know?” When Hillary shook her head, she continued. “That's why you're here alone today?”

“Yes. I wanted you to know my full history so you can help me the best way you can. I want to have a baby so badly. I want to have a family with Bill. I know he wants a lot of kids.”

“Do you?” Gillian asked. Hillary nodded her head and she continued. “Can I ask you why you haven't told your husband?”

“I'm afraid he'll never forgive me,” Hillary said after a moment’s pause. 

“Why is that?”

“Because he is his father,” she said softly. She wiped a few tears from her eyes before she met the doctor’s eye again. “We were childhood sweethearts. We were young and didn't think of the consequences.”

“How did he not know?” Gillian asked. 

“He moved here. We didn't see each other again until college. My father forbade me from telling anyone and forced me to give the baby up. Now I'm so afraid to tell him because he'll hate me. All he wants is a child and I gave up the only child we may ever have,” Hillary said through silent tears. 

Gillian understood. She had met many women who were in similar circumstances, although many weren't now married to the men who fathered their children. Maternity homes were unknowingly popular in the 50’s and 60’s but no one spoke about them. Every once in awhile someone would say they knew a person who knew someone who went to one but no one ever wanted to really be associated to them. Now those young girls are old enough that they want to start a family but don't know how to tell their husbands they've already had a child. 

The two spoke for a little longer, Gillian examined Hillary and they worked out a plan as to how they were going to go forward to get Hillary pregnant again. It's difficult with women with endometriosis and even harder when a miscarriage has happened already. Hillary left the office feeling a little less like the world was against her. It felt really good to be able to tell someone else about her son. 

A few months went by and there was still no baby in sight. Hillary hadn't told Bill she had consulted with a specialist and he suggested one in San Francisco. She reluctantly allowed him to schedule them an appointment but asked that they wait a few more months. After all, it had only been three months since her last miscarriage. She was working in her office when she heard the door open and close. She didn't look up as she thought it was just Vince dropping off some briefs for her. 

“Just set them on the pile,” Hillary said as she pointed to a stack of papers on her desk. She still hadn't looked up from her notes until a folder was placed in her line of vision. The folder was covered with sandy beaches and beautiful blue waters. It had two plane tickets sticking out of the top. The corners of her mouth turned up into a smile before she looked up.

“I think these need your full attention,” Bill said with that boyish smile she could never resist. He then reached to pull her chair back from her desk.

“Is that so?” she asked playfully as she stood from her seat. Bill’s arms were instantly around her small waist and her arms looped around the back of his neck. He looked over his shoulders quickly to see that no one was paying attention to them before giving his wife a long and languid passionate kiss leaving them both breathless. 

“It is. Come on, let's go,” he said as he pulled her from her desk and went to pick up her bags.

“Bill, I can't just go. I have cases I have to work on,” Hillary protested and was about to get a little angry with him when she saw the smirk on his face.

“I've handled it. I already spoke to the big guy. He agrees you need a vacation. And Vince is going to work on your cases,” he explained. When he saw her about to protest again he continued. “I made sure nothing was pressing. He'll handle it. Come on, baby. Think about it. You and me on a private beach. I'll have to make sure that you don't get any tan lines from the new suit I bought you.” 

It took a little more convincing, a few more kisses and some colorful imagery before Hillary agreed to go. The more she thought about it, the more excited she got. She really did want to spend time alone with Bill without worrying that something was going to come up and interrupt their time together. They headed home when Bill told Hillary that he had already packed for her and they were leaving for the airport shortly. She changed into comfortable clothes, they said goodbye to Zeke and they were on their was to Bermuda.

The next morning they woke up to a salty breeze blowing off the sea through their little bungalow. They had just fallen asleep a short while ago having made love most of the night, their bodies tired and sweaty but sated nonetheless. A soft knock on the door let them know that their breakfast had been delivered and Bill reluctantly separated himself from his beautiful wife and walked towards the door. He heard a whistle and a soft giggle from the bed and he realized that he was completely naked. He quickly grabbed his shorts from the floor where they landed the night before and slipped them on to open the door and pull the breakfast cart into the room. Bill set their food up on the small table and went into the bedroom to get Hillary only to completely lose any thoughts of food when he saw her climbing out of bed. He quickly removed his shorts again and pushed her back down onto the bed. The food was only lukewarm by the time they got to eat but it was worth it.

This was how they spent their whole vacation on the beautiful island. Some days they would walk around and explore but most days were simply spent together in their little hideaway. They made love all night, every night and most of the days. It was wonderful to not have a care in the world and focus solely on what you love most in the world. On their last day Hillary convinced Bill that they should go straight home and not stop in San Francisco to see the fertility specialist. He was reluctant to cancel but agreed because he didn't want to force Hillary to do anything she didn't want to do.

When they returned home they both got right back into work. Hillary was updated on her current cases and took them back from Vince while Bill was working to make his own mark on the state. Several weeks went by before Hillary had an appointment with Dr. Wells again, this time with Bill by her side. They were both shocked when they discovered that Hillary was pregnant. They had simply planned for this to be a routine visit. Not only was she pregnant, she was further along than she had gotten the last two times. They weren't celebrating just yet but Hillary felt it was different this time and couldn't help but let her happy tears fall as she thanked God for her family.


End file.
